movie review: The Three Musketeers )
review: the collection )

Also, don't watch 247 Degrees Fahrenheit unless you like 90 minutes of a "don't drink and sauna" parable.
iphignia939: (Xavier's School For Fantastic Bitches (X)
( Oct. 4th, 2012 01:45 pm)
College student Ashley and her new roommate, Roxy, go to a party hosted by a bunch of local hackers--think a RL 4chan party--and watch a viral video featuring "Smiley", a serial killer that (according to legend) stalks chat users and kills them if someone types in "I did it for the lulz" three times. Ashley's freaked out by the video; she's at least as freaked out that nobody else at the party seems terribly concerned about the person who just, you know, got killed on Youtube. "It's the internet," Roxy tells her, "who knows if it's even real?"

Judging by the initial trailer, Smiley seems like a modern slasher: trying to create a Freddy based on the internet instead of dreams. What we get is a critique of pure reason, a bunch of lectures about man's inherent nihilism, and a deep exploration of how people feel totally okay being assholes anonymously over the internet. It's a creepypasta movie centered around a hate meme, and--weirdly--it works.

It's not perfect; a lot of the acting is clearly "this is my first (or second) film", and a bunch of the plot was clearly dictated by having a college campus and someone's house as locations. A lot of the heavy lifting is done by Roger Bart, as the ethics professor who will legit end up an Unsub on Criminal Minds, and Keith David as a skeptical police detective. But I didn't see the ending coming, and--honestly, I like that the movie takes time to have four or five chats about ethics. It could be a little more tightly paced (we could have lost at least one Bart lecture), and the movie relies heavily on fake-out jump scares, but it's an interesting one. "Entertaining" is more up to the viewer.

Cautiously recommended.
Goddammit, Rian Johnson, you're on The List now.

(The List, for those of you who don't know--and you probably don't; I don't mention it all that often--is a list of directors and/or writers whose work I will see regardless of topic or star. It's not a long list; the only names on it, right now, are Vincenzo Natali and Neil Marshall. And now, Rian Johnson, GODDAMMIT.)

contains spoilers for looper, brick, and the brothers bloom )

Highly recommended.
I like anthologies for the same reason I like short story collections: sometimes you get utter bullshit, and sometimes you get something amazing. (The ratio of terrible-to-amazing-to-tepid varies by case.) Luckily for me, they happen to be coming back into vogue these days, especially in horror. Which means it's time for Capsule Reviews! (Or, you know, I was waaaaaaay too lazy to do full write-ups on each.)

movie reviews: deadtime stories 1-2, little deaths, the theatre bizarre, VHS )
Dear Teen Wolf fandom: let's talk about Grizzly Rage. PLEASE DEAR GOD let's talk about Grizzly Rage.

I'll revisit some of this later, because David DeCoteau is literally an entire Ambassador of Shitty Movies post all by himself, but Grizzly Rage was made as part of the Maneater series of films: basically, direct-to-DVD efforts about man-vs-nature that have, at one point or another, all aired on the SyFy Channel. (They may have actually been commissioned by SFC, but I honestly can't remember. They did air, though.) They include such classics as Eye of the Beast, Shark Swarm, and The Hive--and, of course, Grizzly Rage.

Grizzly Rage features Tyler Hoechlin. That is honestly the only reason to--

--well, no, as a TW fan that's the only reason to watch this movie; you should track down a copy anyway because it is fucking terrible.

grizzly rage: now with 100% more angry bear stock footage! )
Magic Mike: Actually better than I thought it was going to be, if still mostly beefcake with a surprisingly strong story. Not a single guy in my theater. That said:

iphignia939: (he gave me points (Losers))
( Jun. 17th, 2012 12:38 am)
Skew is what happens if Friday the 13th: The Series had a found footage episode. Or, say, the closest we'll come to an adaptation of Stephen King's "The Reaper's Image".

skew )
Prometheus at midnight: WORTH IT.

prometheus )
Aaaaaaaand then this afternoon I saw The Avengers.

Clench up, Legolas. )
iphignia939: (he gave me points (Losers))
( Apr. 13th, 2012 07:18 pm)
The Cabin in the Woods: Loved it. Exactly as good as everyone says it is, and just as much not at all what you're thinking. Funny, smart, a little mean--if someone tries to spoil this for you, punch that person in the face and go to the theater immediately.

(An actual review will be coming sometime next week, mostly because I don't want to run the risk of spoiling it for anyone. Feel free to comment, though! And the comments *will* contain spoilers, so.)
Grimm Love: Dread part deux, or, Teal Deer About Vore.

movie review: Grimm Love )
Chronicle: Akira and X-Men have a baby. It doesn't end well.

chronicle )

The Woman In Black, yay or nay? No spoilers; I just want a second opinion. The first opinion being Mark Gatiss, and I tend to trust that guy about horror, so.
So today, I saw Haywire, because apparently my theme for 2012 is "Gale sees spy movies".

haywire )
Children manage to be somehow both tiny adults and little aliens who don't understand how human customs work; nowhere is that more evident than in The Children.

The Children )


iphignia939: (Default)


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