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iphignia939 Apr. 19th, 2012 09:29 pm)
iphignia939 Apr. 19th, 2012 09:29 pm)Okay, everybody: four episodes left this year. We're just down to wind sprints, now. Here we go.
1) ROSE. Okay, so let me tell you about Rose: I fucking love Rose. Rose was the first time I really did the thing TVD does all the goddamn time now--making me like someone I hated three weeks ago--and it was great. (For the record: hated her for punching Elena in the face and kidnapping her, got over that really fast when she apologized to Elena. Where Elena Gilbert goes, so goes my nation.) Rose was basically Damon's Lexi, but with benefits; if she'd lived, she'd totally be the girl who shows up on his birthday, gets drunk with him, plays pool, does inappropriate vampire things with the whammy, and smacks him when he's being a dumbass--only Rose would also have sex with Damon, which works better than I think sex between Lexi and Stefan would've. Rose was really, really good for him. And Rose died, and it was at least a little his fault, since the werewolf that bit her was aiming for him; for those of you who are new, it broke Damon in a lot of ways, some of which are only getting repaired now.
2) Oh, yeah, let's lock Alaric up in the Salvatore basement. Because nothing bad has ever happened when someone was down there for his own good OH WAIT.
3) Ahahahahahaha Damon giving Alaric Doctor Jekyll & Mr. Hyde to read. Have I mentioned that I love that Damon is secretly a classics wonk?
4) Not that I have a pony in the "which vampire gets Elena" fight--at this point, I am legit on Team Everyone Lives in a Giant Ten-Way, with sides of all gen, all the time--but I really like that Alaric is like, "You know what, you are a grown-ass lady, and every time someone tells you to do something it just gets your hackles up, so I am going to support you either way. Just as soon as I've stopped having all these death-related psychotic breaks."
5) "Who'd you compel to get [first class tickets]?"
"Please. I used miles."
Granted, he probably compelled people to get the tickets for the miles, but still! Baby steps!
6) Oh, man, is it wrong that I get kind of delighted every time Rebekah and Caroline go all Mean Girls on each other? Not that I am all "yay, ladies being terrible to each other!", but it's not like there's a lot they get right of the typical high school experience, here, and petty teenage cattiness is sort of their only shot. That, and drunken hatesex. They do okay with the hatesex.
7) Given a choice? Sorry, Caroline, I am totally going flapper and not disco.
8) And then Caroline bails! Except OH SNAP it's a trick! So she can sneak off and check in with Tyler while Matt keeps him occupied! Matt has really come a long way since he was the world's worst liar for Sheriff Forbes, hasn't he? I approve.
9) Yeah, Stefan, drinking in the makeshift jail cell with the guy who could snap and go crazy literally any second is really a good idea.
10) "And you don't think Damon could [torture me]?" And yeah, Stefan brings it back to Damon and Elena and their need to ~work things out~ in a hotel in Denver, but I think it's way more interesting that he doesn't actually answer Alaric's question. (For the record, I think Damon could, if he had to. But he would be a lot more likely to break and stop torturing if shit got too heavy, because Alaric's his best friend, whereas Stefan...wouldn't.)
11) Jeremy made a friend! ...aaaaaaand it's Kol, because: duh.
12) "Sorry, mate, but we were never buds." WHAM! bat to Damon's head! And then we learn that Kol is the pretty one in his family, because wooden bats break and he is literally talking about that when Damon stakes him--for time, remember, it's about as deadly to an Original as bullets are to any other vampire--and books it with the Gilberts.
13) "Didn't you find it weird you made a friend so fast? Have you met you?" <333
14) "Her last day on this earth was spent in paradise. And when death came, she wasn't afraid." Which is exactly what happened, and it was nobody's business but theirs.
15) Caroline/Tyler! I still want Klaus to develop a heart like the Grinch, and I am really still pulling for him and Caroline, but whatever! Don't care! Whatever Caroline wants, she should get! I kind of want to stitch that on a pillow.
16) Aaaaaaaand because the spell Ayana used to bring Esther back is tied into the Bennett line, now that Abby's dead--yeah.
17) I really feel bad for Esther. She loved her children; she loved them so much she broke the world for them, and spent a thousand years loving them and regretting what she'd done. She came back from the dead to fix the mistake she'd made--to kill her children, as much as she loved them. And now--well. We'll get to that.
18) I love that "Scary Mary" got her nickname because she was creepy. You know, for a vampire. She hoarded! That is probably a lot of shit, when you are 500+.
(Even better: "How do you know her?" "...you know. [...] What? I said she was creepy, not scary." Is it wrong that I also love Damon Salvatore, Vampire Manskank?)
19) Alaric! This is apparently the week I yell at everyone, because for real: no, it's not something that happened to you. It's not a humanity switch, or a blood possession spell, or whatever. It's just your darkness, coming through. We all have a dark side. Yours just occasionally grabs control of the car. ...not unlike being a vampire, actually, though I think that's more "poor impulse control" than anything else."
20) "--and the entire vampire race depends on him being unconscious. So I feel entirely justified in doing this." And then Klaus kills Alaric again! People! STOP KILLING ALARIC SALTZMAN. Jesus God, I kind of want to make shirts, because I feel like that's the only way you'll learn.
21) "What else did I miss?" Well, Tyler, it was like six weeks, so--what, nine hundred things? Maybe eight?
22) "If Klaus dies, you die. The difference is...Damon doesn't care." Which is entirely fair, because I don't know that Stefan cares all that much either, frankly; Damon's just more upfront about it. Stefan would be all "well, we're gonna miss Tyler, but--" and kill Klaus anyway. Sometimes they do not give that much of a shit about townspeople not named Elena Gilbert, okay?
23) Okay. The hotel thing.
Here's my whole stance: as it stands right now, I don't think either Stefan OR Damon really deserve Elena. I think, realistically, you either need to shoot the CW the finger and bust out the threesome on a teeny-tiny network--and let's face it, if any show did it, it would be this one--or just have Elena be all "I choose me!" until at least college, because at this point? You are making her choose between murderers. And yeah, Damon's working on himself, and yeah, Stefan owns a hair shirt, and both of those things are great, but for real: threesome or no-some.
(That said: Littlest Gilbert, your sister is a legal adult. You are neither of those things, nor are you actually her dad, so when you catch her making out with Damon in a hallway, you can be sketched out by it, but you don't really get to make That Face at her. You know, like she's disappointed you as a person. I'm not thrilled about it either, kid, but as her little brother, you get to bitch about it to Matt and/or Tyler, and make snide comments when he comes over for dinner.)
24) "Because when people see good, they expect good" is a fairly decent elevator pitch for why Damon hates having feelings and/or not being a dick all the time.
25) --that said, I don't not buy Hallway Makeouts, because strange shit happens in hotels, y'all. Motels, even. And Damon is hot, and not really wearing a shirt, and it's like one in the morning, and emotions and hormones are a funny thing. Not implausible, but not really my thing, either. So.
26) I am totally taking a Mary being dead in a nightgown in a house in Kansas as a teeny Supernatural dig until I hear otherwise.
27) You can tell Stefan's a masochist, because he voluntarily read most of Moby Dick.
28) Aaaaaaaand of course Kol killed Mary! Oh my God, someone tell me he's not related to anyone I like so we can stake his ass.
29) I kind of want to put side-by-side screencaps of bloody-faced Evilric--thank you, Damon--next to Mr. Saltzman, the guy who just moved to town and has to tell students how to pronounce his first name. That second guy? That guy's dead, if he wasn't a long time ago.
30) I have seen people on this show do awful shit. I have seen Damon rip the hearts out of, like, three people. I have lost track of how many times I've seen people get tortured. I haven't seen a lot more viciously gleeful than Kol Mikaelson with a baseball bat.
31) [bones crack] "That's better." AAAAGH AAAGH OW VAMPIRE HEALING OW OW OW REALLY GOOD FOLEY OW OW.
32) And again--I can agree with Elena while admitting it's a dick move. She is by no means in the wrong to try and figure out what she feels for Damon on the trip--especially because, like, half of that was Stefan's idea--but she won't admit that it's sort of a dick move, which is where she loses me.
"What if there was no bump?" Oh, honey. You're still a shark. There'll be bumps.
33) "Don't tell them I'm here." And then Rose, who is the world's most obvious Damon/Elena shipper--and bless her, because Lexi was pulling for Stefan and Elena, remember--quietly fades away, and I miss her all over again.
34) Evilric is a dick, no question. But he's also a) not wrong and b) really fucking hot bloodied up like that. DON'T JUDGE ME, OKAY.
35) "I just got you back. I'm not losing you again." --so we're all seeing that this could end in a glorious/terrible Caroline/Tyler + Klaus way, right? Finale's in three weeks, people, we need to start placing bets now.
36) UGH TYLER LOCKWOOD, NO YOU DID NOT. Caroline! Grown-ass lady! Allowed to keep a picture someone drew her! You know what's not something good guys do? Go storming off like a fucking caveman because SOMEONE DREW YOUR GIRLFRIEND A PICTURE. She kept a sketch, she didn't suck his dick. EASE UP.
37) And then Evilric--who I think we're gonna have at least through all next week, so...yeah, not worried at all OH WAIT NO I TOTALLY AM--tries to make a deal with Rebekah, re: the last stake (currently in the cave), except: Not really Rebekah! Taking a page from her son last year--hilariously, with Alaric--OH SHIT THAT'S ESTHER YOU GUYS. And she wants all her kids dead.
So--yeah. Esther-in-Rebekah's body and Evilric are now partners. This will end great.
Next week: Mystic Falls High has yet another dance at night, because last year's "a bomb went off by the vending machines" and the whole "hey, why are two kids missing?" Prank Night taught people absolutely nothing. And this time, the chaperones are the Originals' vengeful witch mom and Evil Alaric. All this, plus 1920s period costumes in "Do Not Go Gentle". Thursday, 8 PM EST.
1) ROSE. Okay, so let me tell you about Rose: I fucking love Rose. Rose was the first time I really did the thing TVD does all the goddamn time now--making me like someone I hated three weeks ago--and it was great. (For the record: hated her for punching Elena in the face and kidnapping her, got over that really fast when she apologized to Elena. Where Elena Gilbert goes, so goes my nation.) Rose was basically Damon's Lexi, but with benefits; if she'd lived, she'd totally be the girl who shows up on his birthday, gets drunk with him, plays pool, does inappropriate vampire things with the whammy, and smacks him when he's being a dumbass--only Rose would also have sex with Damon, which works better than I think sex between Lexi and Stefan would've. Rose was really, really good for him. And Rose died, and it was at least a little his fault, since the werewolf that bit her was aiming for him; for those of you who are new, it broke Damon in a lot of ways, some of which are only getting repaired now.
2) Oh, yeah, let's lock Alaric up in the Salvatore basement. Because nothing bad has ever happened when someone was down there for his own good OH WAIT.
3) Ahahahahahaha Damon giving Alaric Doctor Jekyll & Mr. Hyde to read. Have I mentioned that I love that Damon is secretly a classics wonk?
4) Not that I have a pony in the "which vampire gets Elena" fight--at this point, I am legit on Team Everyone Lives in a Giant Ten-Way, with sides of all gen, all the time--but I really like that Alaric is like, "You know what, you are a grown-ass lady, and every time someone tells you to do something it just gets your hackles up, so I am going to support you either way. Just as soon as I've stopped having all these death-related psychotic breaks."
5) "Who'd you compel to get [first class tickets]?"
"Please. I used miles."
Granted, he probably compelled people to get the tickets for the miles, but still! Baby steps!
6) Oh, man, is it wrong that I get kind of delighted every time Rebekah and Caroline go all Mean Girls on each other? Not that I am all "yay, ladies being terrible to each other!", but it's not like there's a lot they get right of the typical high school experience, here, and petty teenage cattiness is sort of their only shot. That, and drunken hatesex. They do okay with the hatesex.
7) Given a choice? Sorry, Caroline, I am totally going flapper and not disco.
8) And then Caroline bails! Except OH SNAP it's a trick! So she can sneak off and check in with Tyler while Matt keeps him occupied! Matt has really come a long way since he was the world's worst liar for Sheriff Forbes, hasn't he? I approve.
9) Yeah, Stefan, drinking in the makeshift jail cell with the guy who could snap and go crazy literally any second is really a good idea.
10) "And you don't think Damon could [torture me]?" And yeah, Stefan brings it back to Damon and Elena and their need to ~work things out~ in a hotel in Denver, but I think it's way more interesting that he doesn't actually answer Alaric's question. (For the record, I think Damon could, if he had to. But he would be a lot more likely to break and stop torturing if shit got too heavy, because Alaric's his best friend, whereas Stefan...wouldn't.)
11) Jeremy made a friend! ...aaaaaaand it's Kol, because: duh.
12) "Sorry, mate, but we were never buds." WHAM! bat to Damon's head! And then we learn that Kol is the pretty one in his family, because wooden bats break and he is literally talking about that when Damon stakes him--for time, remember, it's about as deadly to an Original as bullets are to any other vampire--and books it with the Gilberts.
13) "Didn't you find it weird you made a friend so fast? Have you met you?" <333
14) "Her last day on this earth was spent in paradise. And when death came, she wasn't afraid." Which is exactly what happened, and it was nobody's business but theirs.
15) Caroline/Tyler! I still want Klaus to develop a heart like the Grinch, and I am really still pulling for him and Caroline, but whatever! Don't care! Whatever Caroline wants, she should get! I kind of want to stitch that on a pillow.
16) Aaaaaaaand because the spell Ayana used to bring Esther back is tied into the Bennett line, now that Abby's dead--yeah.
17) I really feel bad for Esther. She loved her children; she loved them so much she broke the world for them, and spent a thousand years loving them and regretting what she'd done. She came back from the dead to fix the mistake she'd made--to kill her children, as much as she loved them. And now--well. We'll get to that.
18) I love that "Scary Mary" got her nickname because she was creepy. You know, for a vampire. She hoarded! That is probably a lot of shit, when you are 500+.
(Even better: "How do you know her?" "...you know. [...] What? I said she was creepy, not scary." Is it wrong that I also love Damon Salvatore, Vampire Manskank?)
19) Alaric! This is apparently the week I yell at everyone, because for real: no, it's not something that happened to you. It's not a humanity switch, or a blood possession spell, or whatever. It's just your darkness, coming through. We all have a dark side. Yours just occasionally grabs control of the car. ...not unlike being a vampire, actually, though I think that's more "poor impulse control" than anything else."
20) "--and the entire vampire race depends on him being unconscious. So I feel entirely justified in doing this." And then Klaus kills Alaric again! People! STOP KILLING ALARIC SALTZMAN. Jesus God, I kind of want to make shirts, because I feel like that's the only way you'll learn.
21) "What else did I miss?" Well, Tyler, it was like six weeks, so--what, nine hundred things? Maybe eight?
22) "If Klaus dies, you die. The difference is...Damon doesn't care." Which is entirely fair, because I don't know that Stefan cares all that much either, frankly; Damon's just more upfront about it. Stefan would be all "well, we're gonna miss Tyler, but--" and kill Klaus anyway. Sometimes they do not give that much of a shit about townspeople not named Elena Gilbert, okay?
23) Okay. The hotel thing.
Here's my whole stance: as it stands right now, I don't think either Stefan OR Damon really deserve Elena. I think, realistically, you either need to shoot the CW the finger and bust out the threesome on a teeny-tiny network--and let's face it, if any show did it, it would be this one--or just have Elena be all "I choose me!" until at least college, because at this point? You are making her choose between murderers. And yeah, Damon's working on himself, and yeah, Stefan owns a hair shirt, and both of those things are great, but for real: threesome or no-some.
(That said: Littlest Gilbert, your sister is a legal adult. You are neither of those things, nor are you actually her dad, so when you catch her making out with Damon in a hallway, you can be sketched out by it, but you don't really get to make That Face at her. You know, like she's disappointed you as a person. I'm not thrilled about it either, kid, but as her little brother, you get to bitch about it to Matt and/or Tyler, and make snide comments when he comes over for dinner.)
24) "Because when people see good, they expect good" is a fairly decent elevator pitch for why Damon hates having feelings and/or not being a dick all the time.
25) --that said, I don't not buy Hallway Makeouts, because strange shit happens in hotels, y'all. Motels, even. And Damon is hot, and not really wearing a shirt, and it's like one in the morning, and emotions and hormones are a funny thing. Not implausible, but not really my thing, either. So.
26) I am totally taking a Mary being dead in a nightgown in a house in Kansas as a teeny Supernatural dig until I hear otherwise.
27) You can tell Stefan's a masochist, because he voluntarily read most of Moby Dick.
28) Aaaaaaaand of course Kol killed Mary! Oh my God, someone tell me he's not related to anyone I like so we can stake his ass.
29) I kind of want to put side-by-side screencaps of bloody-faced Evilric--thank you, Damon--next to Mr. Saltzman, the guy who just moved to town and has to tell students how to pronounce his first name. That second guy? That guy's dead, if he wasn't a long time ago.
30) I have seen people on this show do awful shit. I have seen Damon rip the hearts out of, like, three people. I have lost track of how many times I've seen people get tortured. I haven't seen a lot more viciously gleeful than Kol Mikaelson with a baseball bat.
31) [bones crack] "That's better." AAAAGH AAAGH OW VAMPIRE HEALING OW OW OW REALLY GOOD FOLEY OW OW.
32) And again--I can agree with Elena while admitting it's a dick move. She is by no means in the wrong to try and figure out what she feels for Damon on the trip--especially because, like, half of that was Stefan's idea--but she won't admit that it's sort of a dick move, which is where she loses me.
"What if there was no bump?" Oh, honey. You're still a shark. There'll be bumps.
33) "Don't tell them I'm here." And then Rose, who is the world's most obvious Damon/Elena shipper--and bless her, because Lexi was pulling for Stefan and Elena, remember--quietly fades away, and I miss her all over again.
34) Evilric is a dick, no question. But he's also a) not wrong and b) really fucking hot bloodied up like that. DON'T JUDGE ME, OKAY.
35) "I just got you back. I'm not losing you again." --so we're all seeing that this could end in a glorious/terrible Caroline/Tyler + Klaus way, right? Finale's in three weeks, people, we need to start placing bets now.
36) UGH TYLER LOCKWOOD, NO YOU DID NOT. Caroline! Grown-ass lady! Allowed to keep a picture someone drew her! You know what's not something good guys do? Go storming off like a fucking caveman because SOMEONE DREW YOUR GIRLFRIEND A PICTURE. She kept a sketch, she didn't suck his dick. EASE UP.
37) And then Evilric--who I think we're gonna have at least through all next week, so...yeah, not worried at all OH WAIT NO I TOTALLY AM--tries to make a deal with Rebekah, re: the last stake (currently in the cave), except: Not really Rebekah! Taking a page from her son last year--hilariously, with Alaric--OH SHIT THAT'S ESTHER YOU GUYS. And she wants all her kids dead.
So--yeah. Esther-in-Rebekah's body and Evilric are now partners. This will end great.
Next week: Mystic Falls High has yet another dance at night, because last year's "a bomb went off by the vending machines" and the whole "hey, why are two kids missing?" Prank Night taught people absolutely nothing. And this time, the chaperones are the Originals' vengeful witch mom and Evil Alaric. All this, plus 1920s period costumes in "Do Not Go Gentle". Thursday, 8 PM EST.
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Mystic Falls really *should* ban school dances, but then I bet we'd get a Footloose plot in there somewhere. But it turns out that the spunky kid from a big city is also a vampire. And then there's still, like, thirty minutes of show left.
The thing Rose said to Jeremy? About Damon being the best or worst for Elena? I really loved it, and I love that Rose stuck around long enough to try to gently skooch Jeremy in the general direction of the Delena Ship. (I wasn't really quite sold on Delena until the sexy vampire staking training, uh, thing. This show is hard to talk about sometimes.)
I'm definitely on Team Threesome but that's not gonna happen until Elena can be honest about her feels for Damon. Her hoping that Damon would screw things up is incredibly telling, because what that means is that her "I don't know" is more of an "I don't want to admit to anything" sort of thing.
Which is precisely why the trip is sort of a dick move (also on Stefan's part, because he knows Damon well enough to know that Damon has a habit of pushing her away when things get rough. Like whenever the hot Rebekah/Damon hatesex was. In universe it can't have been more than a week, right?)