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iphignia939 Sep. 16th, 2010 10:34 pm)
iphignia939 Sep. 16th, 2010 10:34 pm)1) Okay, so, first off: HEY YOU GUYS GUESS WHO’S GOT FANGS.
(You guys, I feel addled; last week, I literally had to read it in four other journals before I realized oh, shit, Caroline’s probably gonna be a vampire. Faaaaaaaaail, me.)
Caroline Forbes is now a vampire. This is maybe the best thing to ever happen to her, because you know how you make Caroline get even more awesome? Make her a motherfucking vampire. She constantly apologizes for biting people! The best way to cover up noms is by making a nurse think she is married to a kinky bastard! She feels legitimately awful for killing Carter! She is freaked out by everything and thinks she’s a monster and cries - you guys, she cries! Vicki woke up and started strangling Elena, but Caroline wants her boyfriend and her friends and maybe some stuff to nom. Like platlets.
How awesome would it be if she ended up like Lexi? SO AWESOME YOU GUYS. “Stefan, this is so hard! Why do people have to smell delicious?”
I – honestly, I am excited for vampire!Caroline, because I have the suspicion (and hope, let’s face it) that she’s gonna prove that you can have a happy medium between depleting the haunted woods of squirrels and killing townsfolk. I mean, apart from that one carny.
2) Candice Accola covered in blood is the creepiest thing I’ve seen since that time P. Wes turned into a cokehead and tried to eat Amber during Miss Mystic Falls.
(Although she plays the whole range of things – hunger, revulsion, more hunger, sheepish at being caught, horrified, hating herself – brilliantly. Look how good you are! I did not know you were this good! I saw you in Deadgirl and I did not know you were this good!)
3) First new rule this year: Stop Killing Boys Who Think Bonnie Bennett Is Cute. Jesus Christ, show, that girl is never gonna get any ass, at this rate.
4) Oh, Elena. It is so cute the way you want one normal day. You’re dating a vampire whose vampire brother is obsessed with you, you have a vampire ancestor (and doppelganger) who’s stalking your boyfriend, and your best friends are now a) a vampire and b) a witch. Normal left town, like, the first day of the school year.
5) Alaric Saltzman, please pick up the white courtesy phone; your boyfriend is not doing great in your absence. Alaric Saltzman to the white courtesy phone, please.
6) Mrs. Lockwood is the interim mayor; Damon’s in charge of the Council. YOU GUYS IF THIS ENDS UP WITH MAYOR DAMON SALVATORE I AM GOING TO SQUEAK AND HUG STRANGERS.
7) Second new rule: Just don’t go to carnivals in Mystic Falls, school-sponsored or otherwise. People always turn into vampires, like, 8 hours prior. It’s not a great ratio.
8) Oh, Stefan, telling Jeremy all about vampires. Second only to Damon trying to commiserate with Jeremy when the Littlest Gilbert shows up to stake him. “My dad hated vampires too. Only it was 1864, people knew how to whittle.” Seriously, Jeremy, that was just poor craftsmanship.
9) “Aren’t you afraid that one day, all the woodland animals will band together and fight back? I mean, surely they talk.” Dear CW: raise the money and make that an animated show. Like Watership Down, where the big bad is a guy with a giant forehead. It couldn’t be any worse than A Darker Truth.
10) Tyler’s temper is absolutely shitty; he goes blind with rage, most notably once a month, and never backs down from a fight. And Uncle Mason can leap like Toad in the X-Men movies and has glowing eyes. I’m not saying you’re werewolves! I’m just – no, I’m totally saying that.
11) Remember, kids: all weres know Brazilian martial arts. (Zombies know Muy Thai, and mummies prefer MMA.)
12) Stefan! It is hard to believe you’re mad at Damon when you keep making excuses for him and talking to him.
13) Okay, now I want to know why Mayor Lockwood didn’t get the werewolf gene. Unless the moonstone has something to do with it.
14) “You didn’t put any effort into that.” “Yeah, actually, I did.” Werewolves = physically impressive. (And apparently as of next week, a werewolf bite can kill a vampire. Oh, man, wait ‘til I can start making Gervase of Tilbury jokes.)
15) “Maybe they’re Ninja Turtles.” “You’re not funny.” And then Damon calls them Combat Turtles. Oh my God, now I wish that was a show.
16) So...whammying Carter is Damon’s idea of the scientific method. With Stefan “observing”. This is why vampires don’t head up a lot of research firms, you guys.
17) You know what would be awesome? If we TELL EVERYONE WHEN THINGS HAPPEN. Don’t, like, conference Bonnie in when she sees CAROLINE HAS BECOME A GODDAMN VAMPIRE. Hey! Maybe someone should call Alaric, because APPARENTLY HE’S MISSED SOME SHIT.
18) Congratulations, Stefan: you have now hit the ranks of Awesome Accidental Dads. You guys, he was so good with Caroline! He is maybe sort of excited to have a newbie to teach not to eat people!
18a) ...now I kind of want Stefan to meet Nate, because at least Stefan just has the one kid. Not counting Damon. Damon would count as, like, six kids. On the other hand, he doesn’t have a Parker.
19) Elena throwing herself in front of Caroline to keep Damon from killing her: stupid, except I think Elena knows deep down what we all know, which is that no way has Damon committed to being emotionless 100%, and still has feelings for her.
20) Caroline telling Damon she remembers everything he did to her, then tossing him down the hall like a shoe? AWESOME. Wait ‘til she finds out about the super-speed, you guys.
21) Bonnie busting out the Scanners trick on Damon, then setting him briefly on fire ‘til Elena snaps her out of it? For the motherfucking win, y’all. THAT IS MY GIRL, Y’ALL. THAT IS SO MY GIRL. You know why Bonnie only has one trick at the moment? BECAUSE IT ALWAYS WORKS.
22) “Why did you stop me?” “Because this isn’t us.”
Aaaaaaaaaand this is part of a longer rant/possible ship manifesto, but: if Elena and Bonnie are like sisters, and Elena is basically the Stefan of that relationship (good-natured, willing to believe the best in people, hopeful), then Bonnie is the Damon (capable of shutting off their emotions and doing what has to be done so everyone’s alive to have regrets and tearful moments when it’s done).
Which is maybe a witch this as much as it is a vampire thing, but I don’t know that Elena could have lit Damon on fire, even temporarily. Bonnie did. Bonnie only stopped because Elena snapped her out of it. Bonnie will do it again, if it becomes necessary. And not that I agree with him, what with Stefan stepping up on Awesome Dad patrol, but Damon is not wrong from the threat-assessment perspective: Caroline is dangerous, even if Caroline isn’t dangerous. Do you know what I mean? They’re not as dissimilar as either of them would like to admit.
(Also, for real, how hot is it when Bonnie makes Shit Get Real? So hot, y’all. I have a competency kink, and Bonnie just handling shit? GAAAAAAAAAAH WHY DON’T MORE PEOPLE DATE HER IS EVERYONE IN THAT TOWN DUMB.)
23) Two questions: if Sheriff Forbes was still out, who the hell invited Caroline in? (Liz could’ve done it, then gone back out. It’s not impossible.) And since when the hell can Stefan compel worth a damn now that he’s off the good shit? (...yeah, I got nothing.)
24) Matt loves Caroline. Vampire, kind of crazy all day, whatever: Matt Donovan loves Caroline Forbes. <3333333333333 You guys, I love them so much.
25) And then Caroline starts to do game face, and brushes it off! Like Stefan told her to! I think she’s gonna be able to do this, you guys, and I am really looking forward to it.
(“Stefan! STEFAN! Look what I can do! *zips around*” OH CAROLINE FORBES I THINK I LOVE YOU THIRD BEST NOW.)
26) “We have to take the moments, Elena.” And then he GETS HER TO THE TOP OF THE FERRIS WHEEL! It’s a literal demonstration of what the show occasionally tries to say, since we met Lexi: you guys, this being a vampire thing isn’t all bad. And no, it’s not gonna get easier, but suck it up. Your life is weird, now. And if you don’t take time to appreciate it, then what the hell are you going to all this trouble for?
(You guys, I feel addled; last week, I literally had to read it in four other journals before I realized oh, shit, Caroline’s probably gonna be a vampire. Faaaaaaaaail, me.)
Caroline Forbes is now a vampire. This is maybe the best thing to ever happen to her, because you know how you make Caroline get even more awesome? Make her a motherfucking vampire. She constantly apologizes for biting people! The best way to cover up noms is by making a nurse think she is married to a kinky bastard! She feels legitimately awful for killing Carter! She is freaked out by everything and thinks she’s a monster and cries - you guys, she cries! Vicki woke up and started strangling Elena, but Caroline wants her boyfriend and her friends and maybe some stuff to nom. Like platlets.
How awesome would it be if she ended up like Lexi? SO AWESOME YOU GUYS. “Stefan, this is so hard! Why do people have to smell delicious?”
I – honestly, I am excited for vampire!Caroline, because I have the suspicion (and hope, let’s face it) that she’s gonna prove that you can have a happy medium between depleting the haunted woods of squirrels and killing townsfolk. I mean, apart from that one carny.
2) Candice Accola covered in blood is the creepiest thing I’ve seen since that time P. Wes turned into a cokehead and tried to eat Amber during Miss Mystic Falls.
(Although she plays the whole range of things – hunger, revulsion, more hunger, sheepish at being caught, horrified, hating herself – brilliantly. Look how good you are! I did not know you were this good! I saw you in Deadgirl and I did not know you were this good!)
3) First new rule this year: Stop Killing Boys Who Think Bonnie Bennett Is Cute. Jesus Christ, show, that girl is never gonna get any ass, at this rate.
4) Oh, Elena. It is so cute the way you want one normal day. You’re dating a vampire whose vampire brother is obsessed with you, you have a vampire ancestor (and doppelganger) who’s stalking your boyfriend, and your best friends are now a) a vampire and b) a witch. Normal left town, like, the first day of the school year.
5) Alaric Saltzman, please pick up the white courtesy phone; your boyfriend is not doing great in your absence. Alaric Saltzman to the white courtesy phone, please.
6) Mrs. Lockwood is the interim mayor; Damon’s in charge of the Council. YOU GUYS IF THIS ENDS UP WITH MAYOR DAMON SALVATORE I AM GOING TO SQUEAK AND HUG STRANGERS.
7) Second new rule: Just don’t go to carnivals in Mystic Falls, school-sponsored or otherwise. People always turn into vampires, like, 8 hours prior. It’s not a great ratio.
8) Oh, Stefan, telling Jeremy all about vampires. Second only to Damon trying to commiserate with Jeremy when the Littlest Gilbert shows up to stake him. “My dad hated vampires too. Only it was 1864, people knew how to whittle.” Seriously, Jeremy, that was just poor craftsmanship.
9) “Aren’t you afraid that one day, all the woodland animals will band together and fight back? I mean, surely they talk.” Dear CW: raise the money and make that an animated show. Like Watership Down, where the big bad is a guy with a giant forehead. It couldn’t be any worse than A Darker Truth.
10) Tyler’s temper is absolutely shitty; he goes blind with rage, most notably once a month, and never backs down from a fight. And Uncle Mason can leap like Toad in the X-Men movies and has glowing eyes. I’m not saying you’re werewolves! I’m just – no, I’m totally saying that.
11) Remember, kids: all weres know Brazilian martial arts. (Zombies know Muy Thai, and mummies prefer MMA.)
12) Stefan! It is hard to believe you’re mad at Damon when you keep making excuses for him and talking to him.
13) Okay, now I want to know why Mayor Lockwood didn’t get the werewolf gene. Unless the moonstone has something to do with it.
14) “You didn’t put any effort into that.” “Yeah, actually, I did.” Werewolves = physically impressive. (And apparently as of next week, a werewolf bite can kill a vampire. Oh, man, wait ‘til I can start making Gervase of Tilbury jokes.)
15) “Maybe they’re Ninja Turtles.” “You’re not funny.” And then Damon calls them Combat Turtles. Oh my God, now I wish that was a show.
16) So...whammying Carter is Damon’s idea of the scientific method. With Stefan “observing”. This is why vampires don’t head up a lot of research firms, you guys.
17) You know what would be awesome? If we TELL EVERYONE WHEN THINGS HAPPEN. Don’t, like, conference Bonnie in when she sees CAROLINE HAS BECOME A GODDAMN VAMPIRE. Hey! Maybe someone should call Alaric, because APPARENTLY HE’S MISSED SOME SHIT.
18) Congratulations, Stefan: you have now hit the ranks of Awesome Accidental Dads. You guys, he was so good with Caroline! He is maybe sort of excited to have a newbie to teach not to eat people!
18a) ...now I kind of want Stefan to meet Nate, because at least Stefan just has the one kid. Not counting Damon. Damon would count as, like, six kids. On the other hand, he doesn’t have a Parker.
19) Elena throwing herself in front of Caroline to keep Damon from killing her: stupid, except I think Elena knows deep down what we all know, which is that no way has Damon committed to being emotionless 100%, and still has feelings for her.
20) Caroline telling Damon she remembers everything he did to her, then tossing him down the hall like a shoe? AWESOME. Wait ‘til she finds out about the super-speed, you guys.
21) Bonnie busting out the Scanners trick on Damon, then setting him briefly on fire ‘til Elena snaps her out of it? For the motherfucking win, y’all. THAT IS MY GIRL, Y’ALL. THAT IS SO MY GIRL. You know why Bonnie only has one trick at the moment? BECAUSE IT ALWAYS WORKS.
22) “Why did you stop me?” “Because this isn’t us.”
Aaaaaaaaaand this is part of a longer rant/possible ship manifesto, but: if Elena and Bonnie are like sisters, and Elena is basically the Stefan of that relationship (good-natured, willing to believe the best in people, hopeful), then Bonnie is the Damon (capable of shutting off their emotions and doing what has to be done so everyone’s alive to have regrets and tearful moments when it’s done).
Which is maybe a witch this as much as it is a vampire thing, but I don’t know that Elena could have lit Damon on fire, even temporarily. Bonnie did. Bonnie only stopped because Elena snapped her out of it. Bonnie will do it again, if it becomes necessary. And not that I agree with him, what with Stefan stepping up on Awesome Dad patrol, but Damon is not wrong from the threat-assessment perspective: Caroline is dangerous, even if Caroline isn’t dangerous. Do you know what I mean? They’re not as dissimilar as either of them would like to admit.
(Also, for real, how hot is it when Bonnie makes Shit Get Real? So hot, y’all. I have a competency kink, and Bonnie just handling shit? GAAAAAAAAAAH WHY DON’T MORE PEOPLE DATE HER IS EVERYONE IN THAT TOWN DUMB.)
23) Two questions: if Sheriff Forbes was still out, who the hell invited Caroline in? (Liz could’ve done it, then gone back out. It’s not impossible.) And since when the hell can Stefan compel worth a damn now that he’s off the good shit? (...yeah, I got nothing.)
24) Matt loves Caroline. Vampire, kind of crazy all day, whatever: Matt Donovan loves Caroline Forbes. <3333333333333 You guys, I love them so much.
25) And then Caroline starts to do game face, and brushes it off! Like Stefan told her to! I think she’s gonna be able to do this, you guys, and I am really looking forward to it.
(“Stefan! STEFAN! Look what I can do! *zips around*” OH CAROLINE FORBES I THINK I LOVE YOU THIRD BEST NOW.)
26) “We have to take the moments, Elena.” And then he GETS HER TO THE TOP OF THE FERRIS WHEEL! It’s a literal demonstration of what the show occasionally tries to say, since we met Lexi: you guys, this being a vampire thing isn’t all bad. And no, it’s not gonna get easier, but suck it up. Your life is weird, now. And if you don’t take time to appreciate it, then what the hell are you going to all this trouble for?
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You're smarter than I am, 'cause I caught the Damon-Bonnie parallel, but completely missed that Elena is basically Bonnie's Stefan. I thought it was a great statement on the morality of the show: oh, we'll totally put a motherfucker down if we have too, but only for the shit that they've actually done. Punishing Damon solely because he's Damon doesn't fly.
HOW HAS STEFAN BECOME SO AWESOME THIS SEASON I DON'T EVEN KNOW. It's like he's slowly finding this happy medium: threatening bad people is okay! Venting spleen on the side of the building is okay! He doesn't have to be the sentient equivalent of a shortbread cookie all the time to come through for someone when they need it.
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And yet, one thing I love is that these two are the ones that get stuff DONE. Damon is investigating things, he joined the Council in the first place - Stefan and Elena want 'human' and 'normal' things, as much as they can get. So, Bonnie and Damon are the people(witch and vampire) who GET SHIT DONE.
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(I also, have to say 'cause I'm still pissed at Damon and agree that the boy just needs a good setting on fire every now and again, I loved that Elena's decision to spare him had nothing to do with squishy feelings. It had to do with what's flat-out right. That's my girl.)
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Although, in the long run, he'd do a lot better with somebody who COULD keep up with him, or who wouldn't let him get away with stuff for no reason.
Which is why, as you say, he and Bonnie together? GET OUT OF THE WAY.
When they get together nobody is going to WANT to argue.
I am hopeful that soon there is going to be more collaboration, and that will just make things all the more interesting. And, Damon does well with a MISSION or an OBSESSION, (or an adversary) because then he has something to focus on, because he gets so BORED.
Also: Bonnie's issues of having power, using it, and then having consequences are coming up, which is good, because yes, she kicks ASS and always SHOULD, but she has to know that limits aren't a BAD thing. You have to be able to live with what you do, and then move on.
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wait
i -
caroline had something good happen to her? like, yes, vampire, pyrrhic victory tbf, but holy shit.
i think i love this show now.
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I EVEN HAVE ICONS TO PROVE IT
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I LOVE YOU
(I may be writing some too.)