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1) I find it goddamn horrifying that Caroline--Caroline, the world's nicest vampire, who just wants to go to a good school and have an awesome life and, you know, live--keeps getting kidnapped by crazy people with agendas to push and a penchant for torture. Stefan really just had that time with the vervain in the well; Damon has the Damon Salvatore Revolving Mutilation Hour every six or so weeks; but Caroline always gets the weirdly personal shit.
2) FLASHBACK EPISODE FUCK YES.
3) Katherine! Who...appears to be in a pay phone in what looks like an episode of Supernatural. That won't end well, Petrova; that place hates ladies. (And vampires. And evil. But frankly, mostly ladies. Though it would explain Sebastian Roche showing up at the end.)
4) So tonight, we saw two different monsters: Stefan, in Chicago in the 1920s, was the first. That only half-counts, though, because we knew in his Ripper days he did evil shit. It's always different to see it, though: see him just kill and eat a woman, then go in and have cocktails. You know. As if that's a game of cards. (Which I guess it is, for vampires, but I can't help but think there was a long stretch in there where Lexi ignored his telegrams and phone calls. Because he was a dick.)
5) As a sidebar, I find it funny that even after Elena sees proof that Stefan was goddamn evil, she still prefers him to Damon. Damon has miles and miles of faults, but at least he doesn't go into weirdly emo shame spirals and make lists of his victims' names and hide it in a secret room or whatever. Stefan's either blackout drunk or hating himself; Damon, at least, is straightforward about hating himself and getting on with things.
6) Hey! I have an idea! How about we all stop worrying about Stefan--who is an adult, and 164 years old, and has done this before--and worry about Caroline, WHO IS FUCKING MISSING?
7) Damon Salvatore, Secret Magpie is maybe one of my favorite things about him.
8) "Eyes on the road, grandma." Great, now I can only assume Damon, when he's in a mood, drives five below the speed limit and brakes when the guy four cars ahead of him does, when he's not refusing to pass or speed up and let me pass goddammit.
9) [gasps] "Stefan's not a virgin?" Eh, it takes seven years to be born-again, so he's probably been one a few times during his penitent years.
10) Gloria! You are sort of great, because you are clearly irritated by Klaus and fairly noncommittal about Stefan, but really like Damon. You have great hair and a beautiful voice, and you prove that witches are fully capable of living a really long time (BONNIE, PAY ATTENTION) without actually fucking up the systems they are sworn to protect. But if you could explain to me why you and every other goddamn witch I've seen around him are actually working with Klaus, I would appreciate it.
--seriously, does no one else remember that witches hate vampires and exist to protect humans from them and werewolves? Because either Klaus gives off a pheromone that makes them forget their cosmic purpose, or he is offering them one hell of a deal in the universe where hybrids rule over pens of humans.
11) So Rebekah, Stefan's kind-of-ex-girlfriend, is Klaus' sister, and one of the seven Originals. I would be surprised, but it's the Salvatores.
12) Also: Stefan and Klaus bonded like gangbusters, until Klaus--who was running from someone traveling with the Chicago PD and firing into a crowded nightclub with wooden bullets--whammied him to forget them, thus explaining why Stefan's been like "the fuck?" the entire episode.
13) Stefan/Klaus/Rebekah: CANON, CALLING IT NOW. Someone get on that.
14) I find it interesting that if you freeze-frame the list of victims in Stefan's Shame Closet, one of the last names is "Salvatore". Which means he either counts Damon, which is certainly possible, or Stefan ate another Salvatore.
15) "There used to be an all-girls high school around the corner, but it shut down due to attendance issues. Weird." Damon Salvatore, everybody, creeping me out in two sentences.
16) I love that the vampire idea of makeouts is to eat the same person.
17) Stefan gave Elena Rebekah's necklace. Rebekah, at the time, claimed it was magic, but she didn't tell Stefan why. If you think this won't come up later (and that we won't then play Who's Got the Necklace? for like five weeks straight, you must be new.)
18) --byyyyyyyyyyy which I mean this, because to contact the original witch that cursed Klaus, Gloria needs Rebekah's necklace. That he gave to Elena. Welcome, this year's Moonstone and Gilbert Compass! We have made you sandwiches.
19) "I learned some of my favorite tricks from you." And if that is not terrifying, I do not know what is.
20) Also terrifying, but sort of great: Stefan, Klaus and Rebekah acting like little gods in their corner booth. One of the things the original books do really well that the show, for whatever reason, doesn't get into that often is that that's how vampires think: like we're just pieces in the diorama that surrounds them, if the pieces were made of animal crackers or whatever. They really don't see us as people. That really hits home here, watching Stefan--Stefan, who made a big deal about being the Good Salvatore--do it.
21) Lila and Liam Grant: proof why you shouldn't marry someone just because their monograms fit your towels.
22) --man, Lexi worked her ass off with this kid. Aaaaaand now I miss Lexi again. Shit.
23) And now we come down to the second monster of the evening: Bill Forbes.
See, Bill fits the pattern of TVD Dads pretty squarely. John would rather see Elena dead than turned into a vampire, or near one; Giuseppe killed both his sons because they tried to help Katherine escape. Bill, in his turn, is almost creepier--Bill, you see, wants to fix Caroline. Bill apparently studied psychology at some point, because his grand (and ENTIRELY STUPID) plan is to condition Caroline not to need blood. You know, the way you can condition people not to eat food.
Oh, no, wait! When you do that, THEY DIE.
24) You could actually make a pretty good cause for the entire Forbes family being monsters, too, at least for our purposes. The Gilberts have that weapons cache at the lake house; the Lockwoods have that werewolf bondage cellar; God knows what the Fells are sporting. The Forbeses, on the other hand, have a cute little torture room with a chair and chains made of reinforced steel and vervain pumped through the vents.
(Presumably Stefan and/or Damon ripped out whatever the Salvatores were sporting; at some point during his life, Zach put in the vervain grow room.)
25) I also appreciate that Bill being gay didn't really come up. It's not that Bill is evil and gay; it's that he's gay and totally hates what his daughter is now. "Couldn't you just stop being a vampire?" I don't know, Bill, could you go back to your marriage and forgo being happy with a man ever again? No, you couldn't, because that goes against what you are, so cut the shit and just love your fucking kid. Jesus Christ.
26) I find it interesting that while the dads--Bill, Giuseppe, John--all automatically hate and freak the fuck out at their kids, Liz...Liz rolled with it. Liz is clearly not thrilled that her daughter is vampire, but she realizes that above what she is, she's still who she was: Caroline Forbes, Miss Mystic Falls 2009. She still loves her. Love gets you past shit you didn't think you otherwise could get over. PAY ATTENTION, BILL.
27) "I don't need to be fixed. I can't be fixed." Oh, Caroline. Oh, honey. You don't need to be fixed. You're not broken.
28) "I see they've opened the doors to the riff-raff now."
"Oh, honey, I've been called worse."
--okay, so now we're all just taking the over/under on when Damon admits he's had boyfriends, right? Other than that time he kind of said so to Kelly Donovan? Oh fuck, what if they bring in Sage--no, no, stop getting your hopes up.
29) And then Liz rolls in, gun in her hand, casually "missing" Bill, holding him at gunpoint while Tyler sets Caroline free. BECAUSE SHE IS A MOTHERFUCKING BOSS.
30) Yeah, Tyler, Caroline, you know what? Just fucking admit you're dating already, because I need one bright spot of happiness on this show that is not Team Badass and you just got nominated.
31) Aaaaaaand I was wrong: tonight does, in fact, contain this season's first round of the Damon Salvatore Mutilation Hour. That's one!
32) Elena: you cannot save Stefan. Stefan is the only one who can do that, and Stefan is currently careening off the rails, armed with a combination of "oh my God I have killed so many innocent people" and "oh my God I did this to save my brother", with a dash of "I must keep you saaaaafe". He is like half a season from slinking back to town in a shame spiral. He has to save himself, or remain unsaved. That's how that works.
33) Okay, seriously, I find myself alternately horrified and laughing 'til I pee that it's canon that Stefan is like six times scarier than Damon. STEFAN. Keep in mind: you know all the horrible shit we have ever seen Damon do? STEFAN IS WORSE. YEAH.
34) Caroline tucked into bed under the covers, sucking on a blood bag, with her mom at the other end is maybe the cutest thing I've seen since the migratory Bonnie/Elena/Caroline puppy pile post-sleepover last year.
35) "He hates me. My dad hates me." Okay, one: Candice Accola for all the awards EVER, and two: if he does, honey, that's his business. That has nothing to do with you.
36) --wait a second, did we just up and let Bill fucking leave? Oh my God, no wonder everyone always beats us: we have the life skills of a brain-damaged hamster. That's a threat! We kill threats! When he comes back in a couple weeks NO ONE LOOK ALL SURPRISED.
37) I find it interesting that this show occasionally throws around the word "brother"--
"I had forgotten what it was like to have a brother."
"Hello, brother."
"Take a picture of my brother and me."
"Nice to see you too, brother."
--when really, that's the most important word on the show. "The family we come from isn't as important as the family we choose": Stefan chooses Klaus, who's the killer he always wanted to be in his darkest periods; Damon chooses Alaric, who's the man he would have liked to have been.
Remember: there's always a choice.
38) Aaaaaaaaaaand Katherine's in Chicago too, working with whoever the hell Sebastian Roche is playing, trying to get Klaus. (And looking not that great in the Clara Bow wig, thus proving that there is, in fact, one look Nina Dobrev cannot entirely rock.)
Next week: Bonnie's back! (SHUT UP HATERS, I MISSED HER.) Stefan's pissed at Katherine! Someone's bleeding! Damon presumably eats someone to prove he's not Stefan, as if we're all confused about that in any way whatsoever! Possibly Katherine and Rebekah get into a girlfight over Stefan! Not that I condone that, but I bet two female vampires fighting is as badass as when the dudes do it! Also Katherine looks like she carries a shiv! "Disturbing Behavior"--OH THAT TITLE'S NOT LOADED--next week, 8 PM EST.
Just a reminder, the post for TSC 1.3, "Loner", will be up tomorrow.
2) FLASHBACK EPISODE FUCK YES.
3) Katherine! Who...appears to be in a pay phone in what looks like an episode of Supernatural. That won't end well, Petrova; that place hates ladies. (And vampires. And evil. But frankly, mostly ladies. Though it would explain Sebastian Roche showing up at the end.)
4) So tonight, we saw two different monsters: Stefan, in Chicago in the 1920s, was the first. That only half-counts, though, because we knew in his Ripper days he did evil shit. It's always different to see it, though: see him just kill and eat a woman, then go in and have cocktails. You know. As if that's a game of cards. (Which I guess it is, for vampires, but I can't help but think there was a long stretch in there where Lexi ignored his telegrams and phone calls. Because he was a dick.)
5) As a sidebar, I find it funny that even after Elena sees proof that Stefan was goddamn evil, she still prefers him to Damon. Damon has miles and miles of faults, but at least he doesn't go into weirdly emo shame spirals and make lists of his victims' names and hide it in a secret room or whatever. Stefan's either blackout drunk or hating himself; Damon, at least, is straightforward about hating himself and getting on with things.
6) Hey! I have an idea! How about we all stop worrying about Stefan--who is an adult, and 164 years old, and has done this before--and worry about Caroline, WHO IS FUCKING MISSING?
7) Damon Salvatore, Secret Magpie is maybe one of my favorite things about him.
8) "Eyes on the road, grandma." Great, now I can only assume Damon, when he's in a mood, drives five below the speed limit and brakes when the guy four cars ahead of him does, when he's not refusing to pass or speed up and let me pass goddammit.
9) [gasps] "Stefan's not a virgin?" Eh, it takes seven years to be born-again, so he's probably been one a few times during his penitent years.
10) Gloria! You are sort of great, because you are clearly irritated by Klaus and fairly noncommittal about Stefan, but really like Damon. You have great hair and a beautiful voice, and you prove that witches are fully capable of living a really long time (BONNIE, PAY ATTENTION) without actually fucking up the systems they are sworn to protect. But if you could explain to me why you and every other goddamn witch I've seen around him are actually working with Klaus, I would appreciate it.
--seriously, does no one else remember that witches hate vampires and exist to protect humans from them and werewolves? Because either Klaus gives off a pheromone that makes them forget their cosmic purpose, or he is offering them one hell of a deal in the universe where hybrids rule over pens of humans.
11) So Rebekah, Stefan's kind-of-ex-girlfriend, is Klaus' sister, and one of the seven Originals. I would be surprised, but it's the Salvatores.
12) Also: Stefan and Klaus bonded like gangbusters, until Klaus--who was running from someone traveling with the Chicago PD and firing into a crowded nightclub with wooden bullets--whammied him to forget them, thus explaining why Stefan's been like "the fuck?" the entire episode.
13) Stefan/Klaus/Rebekah: CANON, CALLING IT NOW. Someone get on that.
14) I find it interesting that if you freeze-frame the list of victims in Stefan's Shame Closet, one of the last names is "Salvatore". Which means he either counts Damon, which is certainly possible, or Stefan ate another Salvatore.
15) "There used to be an all-girls high school around the corner, but it shut down due to attendance issues. Weird." Damon Salvatore, everybody, creeping me out in two sentences.
16) I love that the vampire idea of makeouts is to eat the same person.
17) Stefan gave Elena Rebekah's necklace. Rebekah, at the time, claimed it was magic, but she didn't tell Stefan why. If you think this won't come up later (and that we won't then play Who's Got the Necklace? for like five weeks straight, you must be new.)
18) --byyyyyyyyyyy which I mean this, because to contact the original witch that cursed Klaus, Gloria needs Rebekah's necklace. That he gave to Elena. Welcome, this year's Moonstone and Gilbert Compass! We have made you sandwiches.
19) "I learned some of my favorite tricks from you." And if that is not terrifying, I do not know what is.
20) Also terrifying, but sort of great: Stefan, Klaus and Rebekah acting like little gods in their corner booth. One of the things the original books do really well that the show, for whatever reason, doesn't get into that often is that that's how vampires think: like we're just pieces in the diorama that surrounds them, if the pieces were made of animal crackers or whatever. They really don't see us as people. That really hits home here, watching Stefan--Stefan, who made a big deal about being the Good Salvatore--do it.
21) Lila and Liam Grant: proof why you shouldn't marry someone just because their monograms fit your towels.
22) --man, Lexi worked her ass off with this kid. Aaaaaand now I miss Lexi again. Shit.
23) And now we come down to the second monster of the evening: Bill Forbes.
See, Bill fits the pattern of TVD Dads pretty squarely. John would rather see Elena dead than turned into a vampire, or near one; Giuseppe killed both his sons because they tried to help Katherine escape. Bill, in his turn, is almost creepier--Bill, you see, wants to fix Caroline. Bill apparently studied psychology at some point, because his grand (and ENTIRELY STUPID) plan is to condition Caroline not to need blood. You know, the way you can condition people not to eat food.
Oh, no, wait! When you do that, THEY DIE.
24) You could actually make a pretty good cause for the entire Forbes family being monsters, too, at least for our purposes. The Gilberts have that weapons cache at the lake house; the Lockwoods have that werewolf bondage cellar; God knows what the Fells are sporting. The Forbeses, on the other hand, have a cute little torture room with a chair and chains made of reinforced steel and vervain pumped through the vents.
(Presumably Stefan and/or Damon ripped out whatever the Salvatores were sporting; at some point during his life, Zach put in the vervain grow room.)
25) I also appreciate that Bill being gay didn't really come up. It's not that Bill is evil and gay; it's that he's gay and totally hates what his daughter is now. "Couldn't you just stop being a vampire?" I don't know, Bill, could you go back to your marriage and forgo being happy with a man ever again? No, you couldn't, because that goes against what you are, so cut the shit and just love your fucking kid. Jesus Christ.
26) I find it interesting that while the dads--Bill, Giuseppe, John--all automatically hate and freak the fuck out at their kids, Liz...Liz rolled with it. Liz is clearly not thrilled that her daughter is vampire, but she realizes that above what she is, she's still who she was: Caroline Forbes, Miss Mystic Falls 2009. She still loves her. Love gets you past shit you didn't think you otherwise could get over. PAY ATTENTION, BILL.
27) "I don't need to be fixed. I can't be fixed." Oh, Caroline. Oh, honey. You don't need to be fixed. You're not broken.
28) "I see they've opened the doors to the riff-raff now."
"Oh, honey, I've been called worse."
--okay, so now we're all just taking the over/under on when Damon admits he's had boyfriends, right? Other than that time he kind of said so to Kelly Donovan? Oh fuck, what if they bring in Sage--no, no, stop getting your hopes up.
29) And then Liz rolls in, gun in her hand, casually "missing" Bill, holding him at gunpoint while Tyler sets Caroline free. BECAUSE SHE IS A MOTHERFUCKING BOSS.
30) Yeah, Tyler, Caroline, you know what? Just fucking admit you're dating already, because I need one bright spot of happiness on this show that is not Team Badass and you just got nominated.
31) Aaaaaaand I was wrong: tonight does, in fact, contain this season's first round of the Damon Salvatore Mutilation Hour. That's one!
32) Elena: you cannot save Stefan. Stefan is the only one who can do that, and Stefan is currently careening off the rails, armed with a combination of "oh my God I have killed so many innocent people" and "oh my God I did this to save my brother", with a dash of "I must keep you saaaaafe". He is like half a season from slinking back to town in a shame spiral. He has to save himself, or remain unsaved. That's how that works.
33) Okay, seriously, I find myself alternately horrified and laughing 'til I pee that it's canon that Stefan is like six times scarier than Damon. STEFAN. Keep in mind: you know all the horrible shit we have ever seen Damon do? STEFAN IS WORSE. YEAH.
34) Caroline tucked into bed under the covers, sucking on a blood bag, with her mom at the other end is maybe the cutest thing I've seen since the migratory Bonnie/Elena/Caroline puppy pile post-sleepover last year.
35) "He hates me. My dad hates me." Okay, one: Candice Accola for all the awards EVER, and two: if he does, honey, that's his business. That has nothing to do with you.
36) --wait a second, did we just up and let Bill fucking leave? Oh my God, no wonder everyone always beats us: we have the life skills of a brain-damaged hamster. That's a threat! We kill threats! When he comes back in a couple weeks NO ONE LOOK ALL SURPRISED.
37) I find it interesting that this show occasionally throws around the word "brother"--
"I had forgotten what it was like to have a brother."
"Hello, brother."
"Take a picture of my brother and me."
"Nice to see you too, brother."
--when really, that's the most important word on the show. "The family we come from isn't as important as the family we choose": Stefan chooses Klaus, who's the killer he always wanted to be in his darkest periods; Damon chooses Alaric, who's the man he would have liked to have been.
Remember: there's always a choice.
38) Aaaaaaaaaaand Katherine's in Chicago too, working with whoever the hell Sebastian Roche is playing, trying to get Klaus. (And looking not that great in the Clara Bow wig, thus proving that there is, in fact, one look Nina Dobrev cannot entirely rock.)
Next week: Bonnie's back! (SHUT UP HATERS, I MISSED HER.) Stefan's pissed at Katherine! Someone's bleeding! Damon presumably eats someone to prove he's not Stefan, as if we're all confused about that in any way whatsoever! Possibly Katherine and Rebekah get into a girlfight over Stefan! Not that I condone that, but I bet two female vampires fighting is as badass as when the dudes do it! Also Katherine looks like she carries a shiv! "Disturbing Behavior"--OH THAT TITLE'S NOT LOADED--next week, 8 PM EST.
Just a reminder, the post for TSC 1.3, "Loner", will be up tomorrow.
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Damon tells you stuff, and you can either handle it, or you get eaten.
Simple.
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Quoted for fucking truth.
that's the most important word on the show. "The family we come from isn't as important as the family we choose": Stefan chooses Klaus, who's the killer he always wanted to be in his darkest periods; Damon chooses Alaric, who's the man he would have liked to have been.
Very well said, and thought provoking.
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What episode was that? Because now I have to go back and watch that again.