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MOH time again! This time it's The Washingtonians, based on a Bentley Little short story and directed by Peter Medak. Think of it as Ravenous meets a History Channel special.
Mike Franks, along with wife Pam and daughter Amy, moves to his grandmother's home after she dies. He discovers a letter hidden in the attic that reads, "I Will Skin and Eat Your Children. Upon Finishing, I Shall Fashion Tools Out of Their Bones"; the letter is signed "G.W." and alongside a fork made out of what appears to be human bone. He takes the letter to a friend of his grandmother's, who tries to get Mike to give him the letter. When he refuses, Mike ends up a pawn in a very old power struggle - between historians, no less - and runs afoul of the Washingtonians, a secret society dedicated to keeping secret the horrible truth of George Washington once and for all.
You guys, this is a movie that says George Washington was a cannibal that wanted to make America a nation of cannibals, and it's based on a Bentley Little story. It's tailor-made to make me like it. Creepy history! Cannibals! Saul Rubinek! But...it falls strangely flat, and I don't know exactly why.
Part of it, I think, is that Bentley Little stories are like Clive Barker on acid: his writing is pretty straightforward, no Barker-esque flights of fancy or overly-purple passages, but he like to put in utterly random shit in such a way that it becomes four goddamn times weirder than it should be. A story about a Walmart clone called The Store taking over a small town? Depressingly plausible. The part where a customer defaults on her layaway payments and The Store takes her newborn baby as payment? MESSED UP. And the show is just...lacking that pervasive sense of "oh my God, this is weird as hell."
It's not for lack of work, though. Johnathon Schaech does a decent job as Mike, who's a regular guy who just came to help clear his grandmother's estate, and who gets caught up in something horrifying and much older than him. Myron Natwick is suitably creepy as Samuel Madison, Mike's grandmother's friend and (not really a spoiler) one of the Washingtonians; he reminds me a little of the preacher in Poltergeist II, and that guy fucked me up something fierce when I was, like, 14. Saul Rubinek, as a historian from an anti-Washingtonian group, is good, but it's Saul Rubinek: he's always good. Saul Rubinek could phone - Saul Rubinek could text it in, and he'd still be good.
Which isn't to say there aren't creepy moments. Medak does a good job setting up the idea that it's not just the Washingtonians, it's the whole town that's against Mike and his family. There's a bunch of scenes where old people with too-sharp teeth pinch Amy's cheek and tell her how sweet and delicious she is while chuckling at a joke we don't get, and it really, really works. Also, a Washingtonian dressed in full gear - the outfit, the powdered wig, wooden teeth filed down to points - is creepy as hell, as is the final confrontation at Mount Vernon.
Sadly, I really, really don't like the "twist" ending Medak tacked on; Little's story doesn't have the wah-wah on it, and it's the better for it.
So, yeah: good concept, good performances, but the whole ultimately falls flat. Rent it first, or watch it on SyFy - 3 AM on Mondays, for the insomniacs in the crowd - before you think about buying it.
Mike Franks, along with wife Pam and daughter Amy, moves to his grandmother's home after she dies. He discovers a letter hidden in the attic that reads, "I Will Skin and Eat Your Children. Upon Finishing, I Shall Fashion Tools Out of Their Bones"; the letter is signed "G.W." and alongside a fork made out of what appears to be human bone. He takes the letter to a friend of his grandmother's, who tries to get Mike to give him the letter. When he refuses, Mike ends up a pawn in a very old power struggle - between historians, no less - and runs afoul of the Washingtonians, a secret society dedicated to keeping secret the horrible truth of George Washington once and for all.
You guys, this is a movie that says George Washington was a cannibal that wanted to make America a nation of cannibals, and it's based on a Bentley Little story. It's tailor-made to make me like it. Creepy history! Cannibals! Saul Rubinek! But...it falls strangely flat, and I don't know exactly why.
Part of it, I think, is that Bentley Little stories are like Clive Barker on acid: his writing is pretty straightforward, no Barker-esque flights of fancy or overly-purple passages, but he like to put in utterly random shit in such a way that it becomes four goddamn times weirder than it should be. A story about a Walmart clone called The Store taking over a small town? Depressingly plausible. The part where a customer defaults on her layaway payments and The Store takes her newborn baby as payment? MESSED UP. And the show is just...lacking that pervasive sense of "oh my God, this is weird as hell."
It's not for lack of work, though. Johnathon Schaech does a decent job as Mike, who's a regular guy who just came to help clear his grandmother's estate, and who gets caught up in something horrifying and much older than him. Myron Natwick is suitably creepy as Samuel Madison, Mike's grandmother's friend and (not really a spoiler) one of the Washingtonians; he reminds me a little of the preacher in Poltergeist II, and that guy fucked me up something fierce when I was, like, 14. Saul Rubinek, as a historian from an anti-Washingtonian group, is good, but it's Saul Rubinek: he's always good. Saul Rubinek could phone - Saul Rubinek could text it in, and he'd still be good.
Which isn't to say there aren't creepy moments. Medak does a good job setting up the idea that it's not just the Washingtonians, it's the whole town that's against Mike and his family. There's a bunch of scenes where old people with too-sharp teeth pinch Amy's cheek and tell her how sweet and delicious she is while chuckling at a joke we don't get, and it really, really works. Also, a Washingtonian dressed in full gear - the outfit, the powdered wig, wooden teeth filed down to points - is creepy as hell, as is the final confrontation at Mount Vernon.
Sadly, I really, really don't like the "twist" ending Medak tacked on; Little's story doesn't have the wah-wah on it, and it's the better for it.
So, yeah: good concept, good performances, but the whole ultimately falls flat. Rent it first, or watch it on SyFy - 3 AM on Mondays, for the insomniacs in the crowd - before you think about buying it.