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This week’s gonna be brief; I watched it at five this morning, and I had no internet whatsoever for three days, so I’m still playing catch-up with that.
1) Oh, Jeremy. You are delightful, if not really bright. I – literally, was that your great plan? “Have Anna make me into a vampire so I can ditch her and go find Vicki”? Because that is not a good plan! Anna is older than Stefan and Damon! Anna has kicked your ass like four times now and used you as a hostage! You know what’s a bad part of that plan? Treating her like crap. (Admittedly, it is a bad part of any plan, with anyone, because that is kind of a douche move, Littlest Gilbert.)
Hopefully you have that out of your system now. Also, if you could stop eyefucking Tyler and start making out with him, that would be great.
2) Pearl: I know you’re distracted and everything, but unless Frederick is in some way integral to your whole “revenge on Mystic Falls” plan, you need to kill his ass. The second someone goes behind your back and starts torturing people, BAM! You make that person Not A Problem Anymore. If he’s doing that shit now? What the hell do you think he’s gonna do when it comes time for the endgame? Come on. You just stake his ass and move on.
3) Harper! You are awesome! You can totes stay when this is all done, as long as we get you away from eating people quite so much.
4) Matt: I understand and totally get that it’s a grieving process, it’s different for everyone, you don’t necessarily need Caroline around just now. (I love Caroline, but you get the feeling she’s not great at silent comfort.) HOWEVER: telling Caroline that, then immediately hugging Elena and asking her in to stay and comfort you? Dick move. There’s no way Caroline’s gonna read that as anything other than a dismissal, and unless you’re gonna go behind Stefan’s back – and keep in mind, I’m reasonably certain you like Stefan – and try to get Elena back, that is some sketchy shit right there.
5) I might not like Frederick, but the man knows how to use his advantages re: Miss Gibbons not inviting Damon in and vervain on the ropes holding Stefan up. Well-played, sir! I’m gonna reeeeeeeeally enjoy it when you get killed.
6) I don’t know how this show still astonishes me in regards to Evil Shit Damon Does. We’re 17 weeks in; I shouldn’t be surprised anymore when Damon lures a nice whammied lady outside to snap her neck and get into the house. And yet? I am.
(That said, once again, I’m baffled as to how we’re supposed to go for Elena/Damon. Seriously, even now that Stefan’s all “I fell off the wagon and deep into a shame spiral”, Damon? EATS PEOPLE. Like, every week. The weeks he doesn’t eat people, he’s miffed Stefan isn’t giving him congratulatory hugs. And when he’s not eating people, he’s REGULARLY COMMITTING MURDER. Not of vampires! Of living breathing human beings! He ate your history teacher and tried to kill Bonnie, Elena! Maybe don’t date that guy!
It comes across easier in the books, where Elena starts off as kind of a bitch but reforms pretty quick when she meets Stefan, but still with that edge of “I’m not always a nice person” in her; that Elena, with Damon, sort of makes sense. This Elena? Not so much.)
7) “Tell you a secret? Everyone hates me.” Oh, BB. Clearly you have not seen the internet.
8) Alaric, I know you hate him, but come on, give the man props: you and Damon are pretty badass killing vampires together.
9) I love that the back end of the season features less with Katherine and more with Damon’s fairly substantial new drinking problem. Also, the fact the man can be borderline drunk and still commit skilled, deadly levels of violence: HOT.
10) “She was human!” “And I’m not. So I don’t care.” -–yeah, but we’re supposed to believe you’re gonna make an exception for Elena? Wow, no.
(To be fair, that’s not impossible to believe; it’s not like he isn’t exactly like Katherine, and Katherine clearly liked him and Stefan enough to stop seeing them as walking salad bars, so it’s not the craziest thing to think he’s capable of it on a case-by-case basis. The crazy part is thinking Elena, who is nice and normal and a good person and NOT FUCKING INSANE, is gonna buy into it. AND YET.)
11) Stefan! BB! Just climb back on the wagon, okay? Find some steps and work ‘em, because the only thing I can think of to make your girlfriend make cow eyes at your evil brother? You going all bitey on her again. You stopped once; take it as a really shitty day and let’s start detoxing again.
12) I’m choosing to read Damon’s carefully blank expression upon finding Stefan – and you cannot tell me that wasn’t on purpose, given that Ian Somerhalder has, like, gumby face (seriously, look at screencaps sometime) – as “yay for Stefan being back on the human stuff, because that’s totes what I want, but boo for someone else making him do it and take away his agency”. He’d love it if Stefan was back on the good shit, but he won’t take it if someone makes Stefan do it. It doesn’t count if Stefan doesn’t come back to him of his own free will. If he was really thrilled, he’d be smiling, but he’s sort of noncommittal, so: not thrilled. But not disappointed, either, because it’s a baby step.
13) Dude, seriously, if what I think happened – and I’m waiting ‘til Blood Brothers, ep. 20, because I’m working mostly off implications and screencaps, here – it is not actually overstating things to say that this is alllllllll Stefan’s fault. (Also, to say that there might have been incestuous woodland shenanigans, but if anyone is surprised at this, you...have apparently not been watching this show.)
1) Oh, Jeremy. You are delightful, if not really bright. I – literally, was that your great plan? “Have Anna make me into a vampire so I can ditch her and go find Vicki”? Because that is not a good plan! Anna is older than Stefan and Damon! Anna has kicked your ass like four times now and used you as a hostage! You know what’s a bad part of that plan? Treating her like crap. (Admittedly, it is a bad part of any plan, with anyone, because that is kind of a douche move, Littlest Gilbert.)
Hopefully you have that out of your system now. Also, if you could stop eyefucking Tyler and start making out with him, that would be great.
2) Pearl: I know you’re distracted and everything, but unless Frederick is in some way integral to your whole “revenge on Mystic Falls” plan, you need to kill his ass. The second someone goes behind your back and starts torturing people, BAM! You make that person Not A Problem Anymore. If he’s doing that shit now? What the hell do you think he’s gonna do when it comes time for the endgame? Come on. You just stake his ass and move on.
3) Harper! You are awesome! You can totes stay when this is all done, as long as we get you away from eating people quite so much.
4) Matt: I understand and totally get that it’s a grieving process, it’s different for everyone, you don’t necessarily need Caroline around just now. (I love Caroline, but you get the feeling she’s not great at silent comfort.) HOWEVER: telling Caroline that, then immediately hugging Elena and asking her in to stay and comfort you? Dick move. There’s no way Caroline’s gonna read that as anything other than a dismissal, and unless you’re gonna go behind Stefan’s back – and keep in mind, I’m reasonably certain you like Stefan – and try to get Elena back, that is some sketchy shit right there.
5) I might not like Frederick, but the man knows how to use his advantages re: Miss Gibbons not inviting Damon in and vervain on the ropes holding Stefan up. Well-played, sir! I’m gonna reeeeeeeeally enjoy it when you get killed.
6) I don’t know how this show still astonishes me in regards to Evil Shit Damon Does. We’re 17 weeks in; I shouldn’t be surprised anymore when Damon lures a nice whammied lady outside to snap her neck and get into the house. And yet? I am.
(That said, once again, I’m baffled as to how we’re supposed to go for Elena/Damon. Seriously, even now that Stefan’s all “I fell off the wagon and deep into a shame spiral”, Damon? EATS PEOPLE. Like, every week. The weeks he doesn’t eat people, he’s miffed Stefan isn’t giving him congratulatory hugs. And when he’s not eating people, he’s REGULARLY COMMITTING MURDER. Not of vampires! Of living breathing human beings! He ate your history teacher and tried to kill Bonnie, Elena! Maybe don’t date that guy!
It comes across easier in the books, where Elena starts off as kind of a bitch but reforms pretty quick when she meets Stefan, but still with that edge of “I’m not always a nice person” in her; that Elena, with Damon, sort of makes sense. This Elena? Not so much.)
7) “Tell you a secret? Everyone hates me.” Oh, BB. Clearly you have not seen the internet.
8) Alaric, I know you hate him, but come on, give the man props: you and Damon are pretty badass killing vampires together.
9) I love that the back end of the season features less with Katherine and more with Damon’s fairly substantial new drinking problem. Also, the fact the man can be borderline drunk and still commit skilled, deadly levels of violence: HOT.
10) “She was human!” “And I’m not. So I don’t care.” -–yeah, but we’re supposed to believe you’re gonna make an exception for Elena? Wow, no.
(To be fair, that’s not impossible to believe; it’s not like he isn’t exactly like Katherine, and Katherine clearly liked him and Stefan enough to stop seeing them as walking salad bars, so it’s not the craziest thing to think he’s capable of it on a case-by-case basis. The crazy part is thinking Elena, who is nice and normal and a good person and NOT FUCKING INSANE, is gonna buy into it. AND YET.)
11) Stefan! BB! Just climb back on the wagon, okay? Find some steps and work ‘em, because the only thing I can think of to make your girlfriend make cow eyes at your evil brother? You going all bitey on her again. You stopped once; take it as a really shitty day and let’s start detoxing again.
12) I’m choosing to read Damon’s carefully blank expression upon finding Stefan – and you cannot tell me that wasn’t on purpose, given that Ian Somerhalder has, like, gumby face (seriously, look at screencaps sometime) – as “yay for Stefan being back on the human stuff, because that’s totes what I want, but boo for someone else making him do it and take away his agency”. He’d love it if Stefan was back on the good shit, but he won’t take it if someone makes Stefan do it. It doesn’t count if Stefan doesn’t come back to him of his own free will. If he was really thrilled, he’d be smiling, but he’s sort of noncommittal, so: not thrilled. But not disappointed, either, because it’s a baby step.
13) Dude, seriously, if what I think happened – and I’m waiting ‘til Blood Brothers, ep. 20, because I’m working mostly off implications and screencaps, here – it is not actually overstating things to say that this is alllllllll Stefan’s fault. (Also, to say that there might have been incestuous woodland shenanigans, but if anyone is surprised at this, you...have apparently not been watching this show.)
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