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One week left. Finale next Thursday. I LOVE/HATE THIS TIME OF YEAR.
1) That opening shot of Alaric's office made me sniffle. SHUT UP. I mean, it also made me question why every picture in there is of the Civil War (I know, I know, it's Virginia, but still).
2) It's shit like this--Caroline apologizing to Rebekah about Esther being dead, and Rebekah grudgingly expressing sympathy for Alaric--that makes me not hate Rebekah. You should do this more often.
3) Evilric, face sprayed with blood and dragging Caroline's temporarily-dead body across the parking lot, is one of the most horrifying things I have ever seen on this show. And three years in, that is saying a lot.
4) Also, either Caroline and Rebekah didn't hit Evilric's heart, or OH SHIT that thing doesn't work on him.
5) Does everyone else do this? Just randomly have paint in your garage or whatever? I don't. On the other hand, as often as shit gets broken in that house, it might not be the worst idea.
6) Jeremy, I still think you are getting shirty with dudes re: Elena's honor, which is dodgy at best, but I do agree that maybe one day without vampires would maybe be okay.
7) Oh, man, bitchy Damon and Bonnie! I have missed you guys! No, really, I missed that.
8) "So then why did you give me your blood to heal me?"
"Because I do stupid things. Stupid things like let my friend die with dignity instead of just killing him."
WHY AM I STILL TEARY OVER THIS, GODDAMMIT.
9) Aaaaaaaaaand Elena runs off, because of course, so Klaus naturally pulls an Elijah and begins trying to fuck up the actual house and its inhabitants through the doorway GENIUS. Not being facetious! This is like the busker's quarters and the cafeteria all over again.
10) Soccer ball! Picket fence stakes! A TORCH AND A TANK OF PROPANE! I sort of love you, Klaus. Please stay.
11) That torch/propane thing reminded me a lot of Stefan's homemade flamethrower in S1. They're brain twins! That...is extremely disturbing, for obvious reasons.
12) Ahahahahaha Klaus tossing pickets at Damon. "Missed me!" [ducks] "Missed me again!" It's like playing Bombardment! With murder weapons! I don't know, vampires are weird.
13) Seriously, stop calling that thing Alaric. Alaric died last week, and right now he's probably hovering somewhere nearby, pissed at all this shit his body's doing.
(I think it's interesting that the Buffy school of making vampires--human body + demon possession = vampire--is sort of what Alaric is, here: a human body made into a vampire, but without the soul of the person who used to live there. Not a fuck-you, just a different way of thinking. ...aaaaaaand now I have a lot more questions about Mikael, but anyway.)
14) So then! Bonnie suggests the desiccation spell that Abby used on Mikael--okay, question answered (remember, I missed a week)--except to stop Evilric's heart, she needs to provide balance by stopping a human heart. Jeremy! You're up!
15) The last couple of weeks have really driven home how much witches...don't really protect us. I mean, in the general sense, yeah, but there's a lot of dead human beings balancing out vampire-murdering spells, you know? Or life-saving ones. You do not see a lot of witches sacrificing themselves, is what I'm saying. I'm starting to think they're more the best of a bad lot than just our guardians.
16) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH CAROLINE'S GAG SOAKED IN VERVAIN AGH AGH AGH. "It's like inhaling razorblades." Seriously: right now, actual Alaric is fucking furious.
17) "You could be a hunter, Elena." Yeah, no. I've seen Supernatural, that tends to end poorly for all involved. (And generally, double-poor for ladies.)
18) Since when does the boardinghouse have a doorbell? Don't people usually just knock?
19) Stefan offers to go with Klaus and Elena and protect her, and I immediately think "threesome!" Because I am that person now, hi.
20) "Damon and I have been through a hell of a lot worse than you." UGH SALVATORES I LOVE YOU BEST.
(So...Stefan just dumped his boyfriend for his brother, right? We all heard that? Not just me?)
21) Almost a year later, I finally get an explanation for Katherine being able to be in the boardinghouse after Elena had the deed: when she died, that broke the terms of the agreement, so it's just a vampire house again. Okay! That took longer than I thought, but still: good looking out, writers.
22) Klaus is everyone's ancestor! No one look surprised. (I was hoping it was Elijah, dammit.)
23) "I thought I taught you better than that."
"You did."
BAM! Right in his face with the vervain! That is my girl!
24) It always looks really fucking painful whenever anyone gets his or her back snapped, but there's something reeeeeeeeally satisfying about watching Evilric snap Damon's neck.
25) SO: Evilric is tied to Elena's lifespan; when she dies, so does he. Worst-case scenario, you have one vampire left for 60+ years, and anyone he makes--if he does, which: doubtful--dies with him. That...is sort of a genius plan, Esther. I'd high-five you if I didn't fucking hate you.
26) So logically, Klaus decides to drain Elena's blood and kill her, because backup families are a good thing to have.
27) UGH YOU GUYS JOSEPH MORGAN IS SO GOOD. They don't really give him a lot to do--it's mostly moustache-twirling and mwa-ha-has--but when he does, like anything with Caroline or the slow, dawning horror of being desiccated, he's really good. You have redeemed yourself for Hex, sir!
(Note to self: talk about Hex sometime, because it is as crazy as this. Only British.)
28) "How did you break the sire bond?"
"By breaking every bone in my body a hundred times for the girl I love."
FUCK YEAH TYLER LOCKWOOD. I marathoned Teen Wolf s1 this week (shut up, I was weak), and it is actually--it's this show's dumb little brother, basically, but while I really like Derek, there is no way he could ever be as cool as Tyler. And not just because they don't generally let Tyler Hoechlin have more than the one face, either. (Which is a shame, because when they let him do things, he's really good, but--okay, rambling now. Whatever, FUCK YEAH TYLER LOCKWOOD.)
29) And then BONNIE DESICCATES KLAUS, OH SHIT.
30) Yeah, I saw every season of Buffy and Angel, so I'm guessing Bonnie's spidery-dark face-veins are not a good sign, especially in light of Abby's "dark magic is dangerous" spiel.
31) So after driving Elena home, Damon and Stefan decide to take a road trip to dump Klaus in the ocean and--I don't know, be bros. I would watch a webseries over the summer, no shit, that was just Damon and Stefan's Excellent Adventure.
32) I can appreciate Elena's honesty with both of them, though: if she picks one, she loses the other. That is not a great position for anyone to be in, especially her. (I still think she should pull an "I choose me!" for the record, but we will see.)
33) "Welcome to our victory party!"
So of course Caroline--remember, Caroline's the one who threw the outdoor picnic/wake for Jenna last year; she gets this more than any of them--gets the whole Mystic Falls High School gang together: herself, Elena, Bonnie, Matt, Tyler, and Jeremy. Of course I teared up, are you kidding me?
It's really weird to watch the pilot back and remember that Tyler and Jeremy hated each other, or that Matt was still mooning over Elena, or that Caroline was human and Bonnie didn't really think she was a witch. Things change, but not always for the worst. We persevere.
34) And then Evilric calls a council meeting and drops the delightful bomb that OH SHIT Carol's son and Liz's daughter are vampires, and they've known for a while and are harboring them, and OH SHIT Y'ALL. This is gonna be 1846 all over again, isn't it? Someone's gonna get shot in the back by his or her dad. And...no one seems surprised Evilric moves like a vampire! Did he whammy them? OH SHIT.
35) "We're finally getting along."
"And it only took a century and a half."
Which is both incredibly sad and amazing, because--well, it took 150 years. Damon had to stop being bitter about Katherine also choosing Stefan; Stefan had to stop being mad that Damon ruined his life like once a decade. They're not well, but they're better. They're better than they've been in a long time, and they know exactly how tenuous that is, but they're trying to embrace it. And I love them for it. THE SALVTORES = BEST BROS Y/Y?
36) Aaaaaaaaaand then the capper: if Elena chooses Stefan, Damon will leave, and vice versa. And in 60 years or so, when she's dead, they'll be brothers again. And I am tearing up writing about it, aaaaaaagh next week is going to kill me.
37) Honest to God, I thought that Jeremy was going to be Esther or something. This show makes me so goddamned paranoid.
38) But no! Instead Elena just KEELS THE FUCK OVER.
Next week: In the middle of flashbacks--Grayson and Miranda! Elena's high ponytail! JENNA!--we find out just what Evilric is up to, as he has Damon in a deathgrip and Matt and Elena go right the fuck off the bridge. Vampires! Dead parents! SHIT GOES DOWN! SEASON FINALE! "The Departed", next Thursday, 8 PM EST.
1) That opening shot of Alaric's office made me sniffle. SHUT UP. I mean, it also made me question why every picture in there is of the Civil War (I know, I know, it's Virginia, but still).
2) It's shit like this--Caroline apologizing to Rebekah about Esther being dead, and Rebekah grudgingly expressing sympathy for Alaric--that makes me not hate Rebekah. You should do this more often.
3) Evilric, face sprayed with blood and dragging Caroline's temporarily-dead body across the parking lot, is one of the most horrifying things I have ever seen on this show. And three years in, that is saying a lot.
4) Also, either Caroline and Rebekah didn't hit Evilric's heart, or OH SHIT that thing doesn't work on him.
5) Does everyone else do this? Just randomly have paint in your garage or whatever? I don't. On the other hand, as often as shit gets broken in that house, it might not be the worst idea.
6) Jeremy, I still think you are getting shirty with dudes re: Elena's honor, which is dodgy at best, but I do agree that maybe one day without vampires would maybe be okay.
7) Oh, man, bitchy Damon and Bonnie! I have missed you guys! No, really, I missed that.
8) "So then why did you give me your blood to heal me?"
"Because I do stupid things. Stupid things like let my friend die with dignity instead of just killing him."
WHY AM I STILL TEARY OVER THIS, GODDAMMIT.
9) Aaaaaaaaaand Elena runs off, because of course, so Klaus naturally pulls an Elijah and begins trying to fuck up the actual house and its inhabitants through the doorway GENIUS. Not being facetious! This is like the busker's quarters and the cafeteria all over again.
10) Soccer ball! Picket fence stakes! A TORCH AND A TANK OF PROPANE! I sort of love you, Klaus. Please stay.
11) That torch/propane thing reminded me a lot of Stefan's homemade flamethrower in S1. They're brain twins! That...is extremely disturbing, for obvious reasons.
12) Ahahahahaha Klaus tossing pickets at Damon. "Missed me!" [ducks] "Missed me again!" It's like playing Bombardment! With murder weapons! I don't know, vampires are weird.
13) Seriously, stop calling that thing Alaric. Alaric died last week, and right now he's probably hovering somewhere nearby, pissed at all this shit his body's doing.
(I think it's interesting that the Buffy school of making vampires--human body + demon possession = vampire--is sort of what Alaric is, here: a human body made into a vampire, but without the soul of the person who used to live there. Not a fuck-you, just a different way of thinking. ...aaaaaaand now I have a lot more questions about Mikael, but anyway.)
14) So then! Bonnie suggests the desiccation spell that Abby used on Mikael--okay, question answered (remember, I missed a week)--except to stop Evilric's heart, she needs to provide balance by stopping a human heart. Jeremy! You're up!
15) The last couple of weeks have really driven home how much witches...don't really protect us. I mean, in the general sense, yeah, but there's a lot of dead human beings balancing out vampire-murdering spells, you know? Or life-saving ones. You do not see a lot of witches sacrificing themselves, is what I'm saying. I'm starting to think they're more the best of a bad lot than just our guardians.
16) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH CAROLINE'S GAG SOAKED IN VERVAIN AGH AGH AGH. "It's like inhaling razorblades." Seriously: right now, actual Alaric is fucking furious.
17) "You could be a hunter, Elena." Yeah, no. I've seen Supernatural, that tends to end poorly for all involved. (And generally, double-poor for ladies.)
18) Since when does the boardinghouse have a doorbell? Don't people usually just knock?
19) Stefan offers to go with Klaus and Elena and protect her, and I immediately think "threesome!" Because I am that person now, hi.
20) "Damon and I have been through a hell of a lot worse than you." UGH SALVATORES I LOVE YOU BEST.
(So...Stefan just dumped his boyfriend for his brother, right? We all heard that? Not just me?)
21) Almost a year later, I finally get an explanation for Katherine being able to be in the boardinghouse after Elena had the deed: when she died, that broke the terms of the agreement, so it's just a vampire house again. Okay! That took longer than I thought, but still: good looking out, writers.
22) Klaus is everyone's ancestor! No one look surprised. (I was hoping it was Elijah, dammit.)
23) "I thought I taught you better than that."
"You did."
BAM! Right in his face with the vervain! That is my girl!
24) It always looks really fucking painful whenever anyone gets his or her back snapped, but there's something reeeeeeeeally satisfying about watching Evilric snap Damon's neck.
25) SO: Evilric is tied to Elena's lifespan; when she dies, so does he. Worst-case scenario, you have one vampire left for 60+ years, and anyone he makes--if he does, which: doubtful--dies with him. That...is sort of a genius plan, Esther. I'd high-five you if I didn't fucking hate you.
26) So logically, Klaus decides to drain Elena's blood and kill her, because backup families are a good thing to have.
27) UGH YOU GUYS JOSEPH MORGAN IS SO GOOD. They don't really give him a lot to do--it's mostly moustache-twirling and mwa-ha-has--but when he does, like anything with Caroline or the slow, dawning horror of being desiccated, he's really good. You have redeemed yourself for Hex, sir!
(Note to self: talk about Hex sometime, because it is as crazy as this. Only British.)
28) "How did you break the sire bond?"
"By breaking every bone in my body a hundred times for the girl I love."
FUCK YEAH TYLER LOCKWOOD. I marathoned Teen Wolf s1 this week (shut up, I was weak), and it is actually--it's this show's dumb little brother, basically, but while I really like Derek, there is no way he could ever be as cool as Tyler. And not just because they don't generally let Tyler Hoechlin have more than the one face, either. (Which is a shame, because when they let him do things, he's really good, but--okay, rambling now. Whatever, FUCK YEAH TYLER LOCKWOOD.)
29) And then BONNIE DESICCATES KLAUS, OH SHIT.
30) Yeah, I saw every season of Buffy and Angel, so I'm guessing Bonnie's spidery-dark face-veins are not a good sign, especially in light of Abby's "dark magic is dangerous" spiel.
31) So after driving Elena home, Damon and Stefan decide to take a road trip to dump Klaus in the ocean and--I don't know, be bros. I would watch a webseries over the summer, no shit, that was just Damon and Stefan's Excellent Adventure.
32) I can appreciate Elena's honesty with both of them, though: if she picks one, she loses the other. That is not a great position for anyone to be in, especially her. (I still think she should pull an "I choose me!" for the record, but we will see.)
33) "Welcome to our victory party!"
So of course Caroline--remember, Caroline's the one who threw the outdoor picnic/wake for Jenna last year; she gets this more than any of them--gets the whole Mystic Falls High School gang together: herself, Elena, Bonnie, Matt, Tyler, and Jeremy. Of course I teared up, are you kidding me?
It's really weird to watch the pilot back and remember that Tyler and Jeremy hated each other, or that Matt was still mooning over Elena, or that Caroline was human and Bonnie didn't really think she was a witch. Things change, but not always for the worst. We persevere.
34) And then Evilric calls a council meeting and drops the delightful bomb that OH SHIT Carol's son and Liz's daughter are vampires, and they've known for a while and are harboring them, and OH SHIT Y'ALL. This is gonna be 1846 all over again, isn't it? Someone's gonna get shot in the back by his or her dad. And...no one seems surprised Evilric moves like a vampire! Did he whammy them? OH SHIT.
35) "We're finally getting along."
"And it only took a century and a half."
Which is both incredibly sad and amazing, because--well, it took 150 years. Damon had to stop being bitter about Katherine also choosing Stefan; Stefan had to stop being mad that Damon ruined his life like once a decade. They're not well, but they're better. They're better than they've been in a long time, and they know exactly how tenuous that is, but they're trying to embrace it. And I love them for it. THE SALVTORES = BEST BROS Y/Y?
36) Aaaaaaaaaand then the capper: if Elena chooses Stefan, Damon will leave, and vice versa. And in 60 years or so, when she's dead, they'll be brothers again. And I am tearing up writing about it, aaaaaaagh next week is going to kill me.
37) Honest to God, I thought that Jeremy was going to be Esther or something. This show makes me so goddamned paranoid.
38) But no! Instead Elena just KEELS THE FUCK OVER.
Next week: In the middle of flashbacks--Grayson and Miranda! Elena's high ponytail! JENNA!--we find out just what Evilric is up to, as he has Damon in a deathgrip and Matt and Elena go right the fuck off the bridge. Vampires! Dead parents! SHIT GOES DOWN! SEASON FINALE! "The Departed", next Thursday, 8 PM EST.
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