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Previously on TVD: Silas tried killing Caroline's mom, which, thank God, didn't take; Rebekah offered to cheat Matt into the college of his choice, because sometimes she is kind of amazing; Katherine tried to make a deal with yet another Bennett; and finally, FUCKING FINALLY, Elena turned her emotions back on, thanks to Damon's judicious snapping of Matt's neck and his wearing a Gilbert ring.
* Shut up, Rebekah being delighted by graduation invites is kind of great. I might actually miss her! A little! Tiny amount.
* Ahahahahahaha puppet Katherine being yanked along after Bonnie. Is it wrong that I legit want Elena dead so we can just follow Katherine around? That's wrong, right?
* Four years in, I honestly did not know that A) this town had a paper or B) that it's called the Mystic Tribune. Which...I've heard better, put it that way.
* I--Caroline, why in God's name are you hanging out with Elena? I mean, yeah, she has emotions again, but she straight-up just told you "if you're looking for an apology, you're not going to get it." At which point, your only decisions are 1) can I murder Elena and 2) do I murder Elena? Because fuck that. You've been friends since you were babies and she can't spare an "I'm sorry" for trying to murder you and your mother, not to mention THE ACTUAL PEOPLE SHE KILLED and trying to murder Bonnie. FUCK THAT. FUCK THAT IN THE EAR. DUNZO, FORBES.
* "Do you not notice all the end of the world crap going on right now?" Yeah, you hate Damon all you want; that's fine, God knows there are reasons for it. But he is consistently the only person to remember for longer than 30 seconds that shit like this keeps happening, and perhaps we should pay attention to it.
* "Need a hand?" UGH SHUT UP I STARTED CRYING I HATE YOU SO MUCH SHOW. Seriously, supposedly one of these ghost resurrections is going to stick, and I want to know who I have to kill to make it be Alaric.
* "So this is either really good or really bad." "Would Silas know about locker 42?" YOU GUYS THEY KEPT BOOZE STASHED AT THE HIGH SCHOOL I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
Oh God and then Damon LAUGHS AND HUGS HIM. I just--I don't--he doesn't do that enough. He hasn't done it at all, really, since Ric died. And that's why I want Ric back: because I love him, yeah, but because he's Elena's dad, and the only adult in town, and Damon's moral compass and best friend, and because he drinks too much and doesn't ever get so low he can't come out of it. He hung around after death "looking out for [his] idiot best friend"; I want him to hang around town and keep doing it.
* Kol! Wants to kill Elena! Not really giving a shit about that, except that WE DO NOT THREATEN PUDDING POP, LITTLEST BOY MIKAELSON.
* "People have a bad habit of turning into vampires around here, and I'd like to graduate high school as a human." OH MY GOD if he graduates as a human and then horribly dies I AM BURNING SOME SHIT DOWN, Y'ALL.
* "You are a vampire, Elena. Loss is part of the deal." I feel like they should stitch that on a sampler and put one in every house in Mystic Falls, if/when you get vampire loved ones.
* Elena vs. Kol! ...could not pay me to care, except that I legit still hate Kol and Elena's got 3 years of goodwill backlogged, so technically I'm Team Gilbert. And then Jeremy comes back, somehow armed with a crossbow, and--okay, hold on.
* OH MY GOD YOU MORONS WHAT IF THAT'S NOT SILAS? Like--seriously, I will hate everyone forever if y'all pulled this shit on Actual Alaric Goddamn Saltzman just because he got confused about how tunnels work. (I will totally forgive you if being stuck in stone means he gets a free pass back to life when all the ghosts return to the Other Side, but I still say he gets to punch everyone in the face and hang out with Mayor Bonnie's Dad for a while.)
* Bonnie Bennett is a goddamned saint and for real, I AM PRETTY SURE YOU ARE DOING THAT SHIT TO ACTUAL ALARIC, YOU TOTAL ASSHOLES.
* So Bonnie is...actually dead WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL. Can she not be dead? Her and Ric. Maybe Lexi.
Next week: You wouldn't think it'd ever get here, what with how much everyone's been missing class the last two years, but: it's time to graduate, Mystic Falls High Class of 2013! Hope you survive the experience; statistically, somebody won't, especially with a bunch of dead vampire hunters running around. "Graduation", next Thursday 8 PM EST.
* Shut up, Rebekah being delighted by graduation invites is kind of great. I might actually miss her! A little! Tiny amount.
* Ahahahahahaha puppet Katherine being yanked along after Bonnie. Is it wrong that I legit want Elena dead so we can just follow Katherine around? That's wrong, right?
* Four years in, I honestly did not know that A) this town had a paper or B) that it's called the Mystic Tribune. Which...I've heard better, put it that way.
* I--Caroline, why in God's name are you hanging out with Elena? I mean, yeah, she has emotions again, but she straight-up just told you "if you're looking for an apology, you're not going to get it." At which point, your only decisions are 1) can I murder Elena and 2) do I murder Elena? Because fuck that. You've been friends since you were babies and she can't spare an "I'm sorry" for trying to murder you and your mother, not to mention THE ACTUAL PEOPLE SHE KILLED and trying to murder Bonnie. FUCK THAT. FUCK THAT IN THE EAR. DUNZO, FORBES.
* "Do you not notice all the end of the world crap going on right now?" Yeah, you hate Damon all you want; that's fine, God knows there are reasons for it. But he is consistently the only person to remember for longer than 30 seconds that shit like this keeps happening, and perhaps we should pay attention to it.
* "Need a hand?" UGH SHUT UP I STARTED CRYING I HATE YOU SO MUCH SHOW. Seriously, supposedly one of these ghost resurrections is going to stick, and I want to know who I have to kill to make it be Alaric.
* "So this is either really good or really bad." "Would Silas know about locker 42?" YOU GUYS THEY KEPT BOOZE STASHED AT THE HIGH SCHOOL I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
Oh God and then Damon LAUGHS AND HUGS HIM. I just--I don't--he doesn't do that enough. He hasn't done it at all, really, since Ric died. And that's why I want Ric back: because I love him, yeah, but because he's Elena's dad, and the only adult in town, and Damon's moral compass and best friend, and because he drinks too much and doesn't ever get so low he can't come out of it. He hung around after death "looking out for [his] idiot best friend"; I want him to hang around town and keep doing it.
* Kol! Wants to kill Elena! Not really giving a shit about that, except that WE DO NOT THREATEN PUDDING POP, LITTLEST BOY MIKAELSON.
* "People have a bad habit of turning into vampires around here, and I'd like to graduate high school as a human." OH MY GOD if he graduates as a human and then horribly dies I AM BURNING SOME SHIT DOWN, Y'ALL.
* "You are a vampire, Elena. Loss is part of the deal." I feel like they should stitch that on a sampler and put one in every house in Mystic Falls, if/when you get vampire loved ones.
* Elena vs. Kol! ...could not pay me to care, except that I legit still hate Kol and Elena's got 3 years of goodwill backlogged, so technically I'm Team Gilbert. And then Jeremy comes back, somehow armed with a crossbow, and--okay, hold on.
* OH MY GOD YOU MORONS WHAT IF THAT'S NOT SILAS? Like--seriously, I will hate everyone forever if y'all pulled this shit on Actual Alaric Goddamn Saltzman just because he got confused about how tunnels work. (I will totally forgive you if being stuck in stone means he gets a free pass back to life when all the ghosts return to the Other Side, but I still say he gets to punch everyone in the face and hang out with Mayor Bonnie's Dad for a while.)
* Bonnie Bennett is a goddamned saint and for real, I AM PRETTY SURE YOU ARE DOING THAT SHIT TO ACTUAL ALARIC, YOU TOTAL ASSHOLES.
* So Bonnie is...actually dead WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL. Can she not be dead? Her and Ric. Maybe Lexi.
Next week: You wouldn't think it'd ever get here, what with how much everyone's been missing class the last two years, but: it's time to graduate, Mystic Falls High Class of 2013! Hope you survive the experience; statistically, somebody won't, especially with a bunch of dead vampire hunters running around. "Graduation", next Thursday 8 PM EST.
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