1) So I think we can all agree, if you’ve read the books, that Klaus is probably coming for Katherine. Which, for those of you new to the books, is MOTHERFUCKING AWESOME, because Damon::Katherine as Katherine::Klaus. You think Katherine’s nuts? Klaus is a big fan of Goodnight Sweetheart and fucks with people’s dreams as a way of saying howdy. He’s defeated by a deus ex machina involving dead people and what appears to be the ending of The Dark Half. It is AMAZING.

...so yes, I hope it’s Klaus. I also hope Klaus is Josh Holloway, because how fucking amazing would that be.

2) I will give Katherine this: bitch can plan some shit. Can’t depend on Matt to get the murderous job done? Whammy the girls to pick up the slack. Can’t trust the Salvatores not to kill you? Make your witch friend Lucy pull a Corsican Brothers and tie you to your human doppelganger. And let’s cap it all off by proving you’ve seen Wolf Creek and doing Head on a Stick with Amy Bradley for three seconds before you snap her neck.

Dear Salvatores: pls to be getting better at this. Fast.

3) Alaric Saltzman, CAN YOU PLEASE GET AN A-PLOT SOON? YOU AND DAMON WILL NEVER DO KARAOKE TOGETHER AT THIS RATE, BUCKO. Also, learn how to lie, because that was just awful.

4) You know what I don’t need down my throat every week? Jeremy/Bonnie. No. Because Jeremy is Bonnie’s best friend’s little brother, and I cannot imagine a world in which that would be okay. Even this one, where people get killed off like it’s fucking Sunnydale.

5) I will also give Damon and Stefan this: when they commit to something, they commit to it. Until Jeremy came in, that was a motherfucking fight, pf which I approve. And then they stop, because Elena’s life is in danger, but just – they worked together! In pursuit of a common goal! You guys, one day we’re gonna get that Thanksgiving ep,I can feel it.

6) How fucking awesome was Bonnie this week? She set up the trap for Katherine! She helped Elena with her pain! She was totes ready to throw down with Lucy! YOU GUYS, I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

7) –-for that matter, how motherfucking awesome was Lucy? She’s a secret Bennett! She owed Katherine one, but not anymore! She kicked Katherine’s ass. Not to mention “BITCH YOU DID NOT TELL ME THERE WAS A BENNETT WITCH HERE,” which, seriously, who the hell are the Bennetts? Can we get a flashback to Damon having to protect a family of witches from itself for 145 years because Emily BS’d a fake deal with him?

“See you around, cuz.” YEAH YOU BETTER. Seriously, you guys, so awesome.

8) Someone sit Matt down and start explaining some shit to him. Jeremy knows more than him, y’all.

9) How much do you want to hear Caroline’s speech to Tyler?

“Okay, so, you missed some stuff. First of all, Stefan and his brother – the one who always hangs around our moms? – are vampires. Yeah. No, I know, but so am I. (Long story.) Second, Bonnie’s a witch. Yeah, I kn—-no, it’s cool, she’s a good one. Mostly. She will give you an aneurism, but only if you deserve it. Elena and Jeremy know about everything, including you being a werewolf. Matt knows nothing, which totally sucks. Oh, and you can’t tell anyone except Mr. Saltzman, who came here to hunt vampires, except the one he wanted to kill is now his best friend-—no, seriously! Yeah. Since the beginning of the school year. Oh, and Vicki was – okay, no, long story. I’ll let Stefan tell you that one. I’m gonna go make some coffee, you want some? Food keeps me from eating people.”

10) I love Jenna, but if she legitimately believes she “walked into a knife”, they are dumbing people in that town down with radio waves or something.
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