Baby’s first two-parter! Mama’s so proud.

(Even weirder: it’s on the same day Ian announces he’s starting a foundation, and Elizabeth Craft and Sarah Fain – who wrote this ep, btw – option The Secret Circle as a series. PLEASE GOD YES. It’s been one of those weeks.)

1) Katherine is staying at a bed & breakfast run by a Ms. Flowers. Maybe she's a witch! Seriously, between this and the well, it's like they remembered the books for seven minutes.

2) I really like the Katherine/Mason & Elena/Stefan intercut on the teaser: Katherine/Mason is all about lust, but Elena/Stefan is cute and flirty and loving. It really comes across, which is impressive. Katherine in particular is exactly the way she was when we saw her rolling around in bed with Stefan or Damon.

3) Mason thinks Katherine really loves him! Mason is A TOTAL FREAKING IDIOT. (To be fair, a lot of men seem to have that problem re: Katherine.)

4) “Are you really dead?” “Yes and no.” Which makes sense, considering what we know: Buffy vampires are demons living in a dead human’s skin, whereas TVD vampires are basically humans with new abilities and weird nutritional requirements. (“I want to kill. It’s my basic instinct, now.”)

5) Have I mentioned I love Bonnie Bennett, you guys? She’s making baby steps towards Caroline! She helped Damon despite loathing him! And yeah, she has very real problems with vampires – for reasons we’ve gone into before – but she’s working on it. Not as fast as she could be or should be, maybe, but we’ve established that the timeline on this show will make blood shoot out of your nose.

“That’s me giving you an aneurism.” And with vampires and their healing factor, she has to do it OVER AND OVER AGAIN. That is my girl, y’all.

6) “Hey, Judgey. Thank you.” Say what you will about Damon – and tonight is a corker – he steps reeeeeeeeeally kind of lightly around Bonnie, as a rule. She knocked Mason out and helped Damon and Stefan kidnap him! Then helped Damon shove around Mason’s unconscious body! JUST MAKE OUT, YOU TWO.

7) I love that Bonnie has to touch someone for three seconds and can immediately figure out their diabolical plan.

8) “What is [Damon] making you do?” Elena, have you not heard about Damon’s issues with owning his own actions?

9) Littlest Gilbert! Points for stepping up, sir, but you really need to get good with Damon torturing people. That’s literally a weekday for him.

10) Then Stefan jumps in the well to get the moonstone, except THE WELL IS LOADED WITH VERVAIN. What the shit, Lockwood? That was...actually a really good idea. And props to the makeup guys for the rotted!Stefan look, because OH MY GOD YOU GUYS THAT WAS SO FUCKED UP.

11) I love Elena Gilbert a great deal, but there’s something both irritating and understandable about her being whiny re: Stefan not keeping her in the loop. Welcome, Elena! This is what Bonnie and Alaric deal with every day.

12) FUN FACT A: Supernatural creatures cannot be compelled.

13) FUN FACT B: Aconite/wolfsbane is the werewolf version of vervain.

14) Aaaaaaaaand then we remember that Damon is still the half-tamed monster under your bed: he loves Elena, and he’s making friends, but he ties Mason up and tortures him with a fireplace iron and by shoving wolfsbane in his mouth. He is exactly the guy you want on your side, and exactly the guy you do not want to piss off. He will kill you in a goddamned heartbeat, but he’s stopped eating people. (Mostly.)

Don’t get me wrong; I love the guy. I just admit he’s neither a totally good person nor, you know, Heathcliff on the moors. He’s come a long way, but unlike Stefan, you will never, ever forget what he is.

15) Bonnie, Elena and Caroline have to rescue Stefan. Three tiny girls have to rescue a big strong man. EVERYONE SHOULD BE WATCHING THIS SHOW.

16) “Katherine will only rip your heart out. Let me do it for her.” AND THEN DAMON DOES. NOT METAPHORICALLY. WITH HIS HAND. LIKE MASON’S BREE V.2.0.

17) Alaric and Jenna! So cute!

18) Jenna being whammied into spying on Elena and Stefan = not cute! Should not have been as surprised! Jenna being whammied into TRYING TO DISEMBOWEL HERSELF = OH MY GOD, KATHERINE, YOU TOTAL BITCH.

19) “I know I can trust you. But you’re never going to trust them.”

And then Caroline and Liz make me cry my face off. She’s not wrong, though. She’s made her choice. And given a choice between having a mom who understands and keeping all her loved ones safe, Caroline goes for the latter. Because she is exactly as strong and brave and beautiful as her mom once knew.

(Seriously, show, don’t you ever fucking kill her.)

20) Damon will never, ever let an opportunity pass to gloat. This is because he’s a dick.

21) So Elena and Stefan really break up, and P. Wes cries, and Nina cries, and Damon looks like he wants to barf, and it’s really amazing, but – Elena! Jenna getting stabbed is not your fault! It’s Katherine’s fault. You didn’t compel anyone! Place blame where blame is due!

22) Also, Stefan, for fuck’s sake, you were born in the 1800s. What, you can’t commit an epistolary romance via emails and actual written letters? SERIOUSLY? That shit is romantic! You can show your dhampir kids one day! GOD IT’S LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN WANT TO TRY.

23) “I riled Katherine up. I wasn’t think. I didn’t think.” Yeah, Damon, you should work on that. You’re really great at recognizing it after the fact, though, you know that?




Next week: The Lockwood masquerade ball! Damon gets stabby! Lucy the irritatingly-described hipster! The promo is set to Lady Gaga’s “Teeth”! The plan: kill Kat!

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