([syndicated profile] ao3_leverage_feed Jul. 28th, 2017 12:42 am)

Posted by <a rel="author" href="/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice">hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)</a>

by

For one long, desperate moment, Kevin's certain he's doomed not only himself but his friends as well. But the moment the thought crystallizes, so too does the realization that he's a good deal stronger than he was before the Jaffa brought him to the base camp. That Lantash has been continuing to heal him, despite how weak he has become. And, perhaps most importantly, that he may be able to do exactly what he needs to do to save his friends.

When Kevin Elliot promised to save SG-1 and Selmak, he assumed things would go to plan. They don't.

Words: 1637, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 8 of Self Indulgent Leverage/Stargate fics, Part 21 of Holly's Round Eight H/C Bingo Card

([syndicated profile] ao3_leverage_feed Jul. 28th, 2017 12:39 am)

Posted by <a rel="author" href="/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice">hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)</a>

by

"Seriously, I never thought the day would come that we'd be bested by goddamn medieval weaponry."

O'Neill's wound at the hand of a primitive weapon may have impeded their initial attempt at escape, but with Teal'c at their side, Eliot knows they can find a way out of this.

Words: 1857, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 7 of Self Indulgent Leverage/Stargate fics, Part 20 of Holly's Round Eight H/C Bingo Card

([syndicated profile] ao3_leverage_feed Jul. 28th, 2017 12:35 am)

Posted by <a rel="author" href="/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice">hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)</a>

by

Eliot knows he's got about ninety-six seconds before the mark shows up, and he can hear Nate calling out sharp commands in his ear to get rid of the unexpected element, but if there's two things Eliot knows about Daniel, they're that he can roll with the punches and that he wouldn't be here without a good reason.

When Daniel shows up to ask for help, Eliot can't find it in him to refuse.

Words: 1259, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 6 of Self Indulgent Leverage/Stargate fics, Part 19 of Holly's Round Eight H/C Bingo Card

([syndicated profile] ao3_leverage_feed Jul. 28th, 2017 12:33 am)

Posted by <a rel="author" href="/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice">hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)</a>

by

At first, Eliot refuses to look at Daniel when he settles into a chair at Eliot's side while Eliot stitches himself up. When it becomes clear that Daniel's willing to wait him out, however, he caves and turns to face him. "What?"

Eliot's not a member of the SGC anymore. Daniel tracks him down to try to change that.

Words: 546, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 5 of Self Indulgent Leverage/Stargate fics, Part 18 of Holly's Round Eight H/C Bingo Card

([syndicated profile] ao3_leverage_feed Jul. 28th, 2017 12:30 am)

Posted by <a rel="author" href="/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice">hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)</a>

by

Healing comes in stages, and Eliot's certain Daniel will come through this in one piece. And if he ever wavers again, well, at least he knows he has Eliot in his corner.

A coda to Stargate SG-1 episode 4.18 The Light. Eliot helps Daniel deal with the aftermath.

Words: 542, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 4 of Self Indulgent Leverage/Stargate fics, Part 17 of Holly's Round Eight H/C Bingo Card

([syndicated profile] ao3_leverage_feed Jul. 28th, 2017 12:25 am)

Posted by <a rel="author" href="/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice">hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)</a>

by

Daniel's the one that comes and finds him after PK3-994. Eliot had been very careful about avoiding all his usual haunts, but Daniel had always known him better than the colonel, at least when it came to things like this.

Daniel finds Eliot after a mission gone wrong takes the lives of Eliot's team members on PK3-994.

Words: 668, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 3 of Self Indulgent Leverage/Stargate fics, Part 16 of Holly's Round Eight H/C Bingo Card

([syndicated profile] ao3_leverage_feed Jul. 28th, 2017 12:19 am)

Posted by <a rel="author" href="/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice">hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)</a>

by

"How many times you been hit with one of these things anyway?"

"More than enough times to know the worst of the pain should wear off about thirty-two seconds after you first come around.

There are several people in Eliot's life whose safety he places above his own. Daniel Jackson is one of them.

Words: 829, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 2 of Self Indulgent Leverage/Stargate fics, Part 15 of Holly's Round Eight H/C Bingo Card

([syndicated profile] ao3_leverage_feed Jul. 28th, 2017 12:14 am)

Posted by <a rel="author" href="/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice">hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)</a>

by

When the pain in his head finally ceases and Eliot falls hard and fast to the floor, he can feel his wrists, knees, and one tibia fracture. He grits his teeth through the fresh pain and looks up to see Colonel O'Neill standing over him, eyes bright and blazing the way they always get when someone under his command gets hurt.

The first time Eliot fails in a mission for the SGC, he gets a bit more than he bargained for in return.

Words: 1006, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of Self Indulgent Leverage/Stargate fics, Part 14 of Holly's Round Eight H/C Bingo Card

marina: (Default)
([personal profile] marina Jul. 27th, 2017 03:33 pm)
Everything is super hectic and I've slept for 7 hours total in the last 48, and everything is kind of reaching a boiling point that will basically be "resolved" by me going to London (LONDON LONDON LONDON!), but something happened and I feel the need to record.

Almost exactly a year ago, I handed in the first draft of my MA thesis. And my adviser responded, in his usual overall polite way, that the document I sent him, that I took a week off work for, that I wrote for 6 days straight from morning till night, was not even worthy of being called a first draft. It was a first attempt that needed to be scrapped entirely.

Partially this feedback was softened by a phone conversation we later had, where he assured me he believes in me, and these flaws are all fixable, but for a good few days all I had in my head were his written comments, which basically boiled down to "I thought you were a normal person?? but you are apparently a trash fire that should never have been accepted into grad school????"

It was an awful, awful sort of feedback to get, definitely the most demoralizing moment I've ever had in academia. (And like, I triple majored in undergrad, and in grad school finished a course load that was intended for 4 semesters minimum, in 3 semesters. While working FULL TIME in an unrelated field. None of this means I'm good at original research, but getting the "who do you even think you are? clearly you're totally unfit" feedback was really fucking painful.)

Anyway, it's been a year. I spent 5 days straight rewriting the draft. My adviser spent over 6 months not replying to me. (I contacted him after a month, he politely told me to sit down and shut up, I contacted the department 5 months after that, and he responses with "oh no! I totally forgot about you! sorry".

When he finally replied, he told me this rewritten version was about 70% done. Going from a first draft that was ZERO percent done, according to him, to a second draft that was 70%... well. Let's just say I think his initial reaction was WILDLY exaggerated, but you know. Ugh.

I worked evenings and weekends and finally took 2 more days off work, and wrote a new draft, based on his comments. I got it done in the MINIMUM amount of time he allowed. Like, I wanted to submit a revised version 2 weeks after he sent me the comments, but he insisted he was busy and wouldn't read it for 2 months at least. I submitted it on the FIRST DAY he said he'd accept it.

It has been 6 more weeks! He's gotten back to me with comments. I was SO NERVOUS because a lot of his feedback didn't make sense to me, and he wouldn't answer questions, and I was like, I'm going to bring that 70% back down, aren't I? I mean I was a failure on draft #1, maybe this second version was a fluke. I have NO IDEA whether what I'm doing will really improve things.

Anyway. The verdict is in. He has comments and things he wants me to fix and change, obviously, but in the email he sent me? He started it with: "You have written a highly engaging, well-built thesis.

He ended it with: "Your current version is very strong," before listing a few more minor things he'd like to improve.

I'm doing grad school in between work, and trying to unfuck my health, and an attempt at a fiction writing career, and so I never anticipate how much it affects me.

Getting this email was such sweet, sweet vindication. That's right, I fucking did it. I wrote a thing that you admit is GOOD, from 2 drafts back when you were basically calling it garbage.

There are things I'm way more proud of in my life, even in the last year. I don't know why this feels like such an achievement. I'm sure it doesn't seem like that big of a deal to anyone else.

But I feel like I have been clawing at grad school until my fingers are bloody for the past 3 years at least. I've fought to cling to it, to keep up, to get it fucking done, through being homeless multiple times, through essentially becoming paralyzed to the point where I spent 95% of the time I wasn't spending at my full time job lying in bed. Through writing original fiction, which already took every second of my mental energy and the 5% of the time I could actually function.

I've clawed and clawed at this, and it's felt so uncertain, and the journey has been so long, and literally everyone I began my degree with has given up by now, half of them quit the program and the other half declined to write a thesis.

But I wanted this thing, for whatever arbitrary reason (its usefulness to my life will be zero, have no doubt) and I clung, like someone trying to scale a smooth wall with their bare hands, and somehow I managed.

I still have a revised draft to submit, of course. I'll take so long, and be so hard, and take up time I'd rather spend writing fiction. And who knows when/if I'll actually be allowed to submit? (I mean, god willing October? But who knows)

But I wanted to stop and appreciate this moment. The point at which this thesis is actually good enough to submit.

For a while, I wasn't sure I'd get here.
([syndicated profile] white_collar_ao3_feed Jul. 27th, 2017 03:54 am)

Posted by <a rel="author" href="/users/NYWCgirl/pseuds/NYWCgirl">NYWCgirl</a>

by

What is Mozzie willing to sacrifice to save Peter?

Words: 1382, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Some time back—you'll notice that a lot of my reviews start like this—Marcin Wrona's final film Demon turned up On Demand, and I watched it; I definitely wouldn't have been able to see it otherwise, considering that it still somehow hasn't gotten a Region One DVD/Blu-Ray release. At any rate, it's an amazing piece of work. The demon in question is actually a dybbuk, accidentally conjured when a young Polish-British man—Piotr, who's come to Poland to marry Zaneta, his Polish fiancee—wanders outside the family farmhouse he's vowed to restore for her the night before their wedding, only to fall headlong into a sinkhole that proves to be a not particularly well covered-up mass grave.

In the morning, he's slightly ill and disconnected, but no more so than anybody else who got roaring drunk at their own bachelor party. The wedding proceeds as planned, getting steadily wilder and odder, until at last a beautiful young woman no one else seems to see enters the repurposed barn they're using as a festival hall, walks straight up to the groom and kisses him on the lips before disappearing. He immediately goes into spasms and begins to act as though he's lost his mind, weeping and raving in Yiddish, accusing his father-in-law of long-forgotten war crimes. The increasingly off-put wedding guests collude with the bride's family to cover this up until, eventually, Piotr simply disappears, leaving nothing behind but his widowed bride and an open mystery nobody actually probably finds all that mysterious, in historical context: “What we thought we took part in, we merely dreamed. There was never even a bridegroom.”

Though my husband was a bit dismayed by the film's apparent final open-endedness, I came into it having seen a lot of other films about that same sort of deep post-Holocaust social guilt, the deliberate dismissal of memory—the Pact of Forgetting, as survivors of the Spanish Civil War call it. Thus, I know that these are stories built around lacunae, the filled-in historical holes that tell you exactly what sort of horror your current life is built on top of. You really don't need it all spelled out: "Did [Zaneta's] grandfather build the house?" The groom asks, to which his prospective brother-in-law replies: "Oh, it was already here." The skipped-over question provides its own answer: someone else built the house, someone else owned it, but where are they now? Hana—the dybbuk—married the Polish boy who forgot her essential Otherness long enough to love her, and it was the end of both of them; now she doesn't even have a tombstone, let alone the bridegroom she was promised, so her unspoken presence constantly eddies back and forth like weed under the same lake Piotr's new relatives eventually dump his Range Rover into, re-erased again and again by the people who profited most directly from her murder.

And it really doesn't matter that Zaneta's father was probably only a child when all this happened, that he maybe truly doesn't know the details of his father's crimes, because his sheer devotion to destroying any lingering remnant of the world old Professor Shimon (sole survivor of an era when the town was half-Jewish) cries over—the one where even Orthodox Christians and Catholics wanted the local tzaddik's blessing—is enough to pull him and all his blood down, so much so that the only thing Zaneta can eventually do is simply leave her own home forever, take what little's left of Piotr back to the U.K., and start over. "This whole country's built on corpses!" As one guest blurts out. Or then there's the sentiment echoed by that one drunk guy, monologizing: "Once Poland was everywhere, it was as big as the world, it was peaceful and beautiful, everyone was Polish. But then evil ghosts came, and the land was split—first the Germans, then the Russians, then Israel!" Such a very shallow amount of dirt to scratch through before the blood and the prejudice seep up. It's horribly relevant, both generally and in specific.

I think more than anything else it's less the willful non-ending—Zaneta reborn as Piotr, wearing his jacket and making the same journey, becoming a stranger from Away—than the sense of resounding, un-fillable guilt that you get in so many movies from those areas, this sense of saturation as pollution: Europe is all so crushed together, and you've got genocides on top of genocides almost everywhere you look; someplace has always been someplace else, every green field is a ploughed-over grave. There's holes under every landscape. When I was still reviewing films, I saw a lot of stuff from the Balkans, starting with Before the Rain by Milcho Manchevski (the guy who managed to get himself bounced off of Ravenous in pre-production, opening it up for Antonia Bird), which has a literally circular motion; the three parts lead into each other, then braid and repeat, like a cycle that can never be broken. Tribalism overlays everything like radiation, like a gun you bury on to watch your children dig it up again, try to use it and blow their own hands off.

But what makes Demon so interesting is that most of these movies are about the acts, the events, not their fallout—they feel like they have to show them in full, accurate, terrible detail, just to be able to make you understand what they're talking about. Demon, however, knows that an empty hole is worse than any mass murder scene, and seeing people you love lie about these things having happened at all can be just as bad as seeing the things themselves happen...not worse per se, but a very different sort of pain. Weirdly enough, one of the few Hollywood films that ended up having a similar impact on me was Costa-Gavras's Music Box, from a Joe Eszterhas screenplay, which has Jessica Lange figuring out that her beloved father is an uncaught Hungarian war criminal—it's not exactly subtle, but it puts the point across that just because you love people and they love you, that doesn't in the least prevent them from being guilty and you from being equally so by association. (A lot of films from Argentina and other parts of South America play out very similar cycles of horror vs. erasure, as well as from Spain, while the U.S. has 12 Years A Slave and Beloved vs. Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee and The New World, but not enough of either, and far too many times told through white people's eyes, as though the mere testimony of the people who actually suffered through these deliberate genocides can never be enough.)

Retroactive amnesia is exactly what Zaneta's father is trying to sell his wedding guests, even though the shot of them staggering home past (someone else's) funeral procession after Piotr's disappearance gives the lie to it. There's just this basic human impulse to cover things up and "agree" to forget, connectedly intimately to the knowledge that if you allow people to remember these horrifying spasms of Othering violence, the cycle of revenge will never, ever stop. People reduced to bone fragments; people reduced to ashes; people reduced to rooms full of hair. We really are awful animals.
china_shop: Neal, Peter and Elizabeth smiling (Default)
([personal profile] china_shop Jul. 27th, 2017 11:05 am)
Recently read
The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner. I've seen the series mentioned all over the place, so I went in expecting to enjoy it more than I did (it's not really my genre). Some pivotal plot developments happened offscreen in a way I found frustrating, and the unreliable narrator thing didn't work for me, but mostly I felt it (necessarily) didn't have strong enough relationships for me to care very much.

Every Day and Another Day by David Levithan. The first is about a 16yo person who jumps into a different 16yo body each day, spending midnight to midnight in their host's life before moving on to the next one. And then they fall in love, and it all gets complicated. I enjoyed this -- it felt tropey in an interesting way, and I liked how it dealt with gender. (Warning for unexpected fat-shaming, though.) The second is a remix -- the same story from the fallen-in-love-with girl's POV. It was fine? There's a lot of repetition between the two, and I wanted the ending of Another Day to give me more.

Reading next
Probably the new Natasha Pulley, The Bedlam Stacks. Plus mergatrude has been luring me with Combeferre/Enjolras/Grantaire Les Mis recs.

Recently watched Kdramas
Finished Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo. The last six episodes were pure candyfloss and sparkles, and I enjoyed them tremendously (and hardly cried at all!). Almost nothing happened! (There was half an episode dedicated to the trauma of having a pimple on one's nose, and resulting shenanigans.) This show has leapt into my top 10 Kdramas.

Still watching Strong Woman Do Bong Soon, which is tonally ALL OVER THE PLACE, and rewatching Moonlight Drawn By Clouds. Just started Capital Scandal (2007), set in the 1930s during the Japanese occupation. So far it's very confusing, but first episodes are often like that.

Other TV
We're a few episodes into You Me Her, a Netflix show about a m/f married couple who mutually (and rather awkwardly) fall in love with a female escort. It's a little cringey in the way that's currently fashionable for TV light-dramas, but I'm enjoying it despite that. The guy is played by Amy Poehler's brother.

Films
The NZ film festival is about to start. I've bought tickets for:
- a Turkish documentary about the cats of Istanbul
- an Irish documentary about the Voyager spacecraft
- a South Korean drama set in France, called Claire's Camera (no relation to Claire's Hat, as far as I know)
- a South Korean drama set (I presume) in Korea, called Yourself and Yours
- a Thai drama about an architect and an elephant, called Pop Aye
- a French drama starring Catherine Deneuve, called The Midwife.

That should help boost my USA vs Other Countries film ratio! I may randomly try to go to other things during the day, depending on weather, availability and organisational oomph.

Also planning to see The Big Sick, Baby Driver, and possibly maybe Atomic Blonde and The Hitman's Bodyguard, if I decide I need some silly action in my life.

Podcasts
Still working our way through NPR's Invisibilia and enjoying it very much. Still keeping up with Fansplaining.
([syndicated profile] white_collar_ao3_feed Jul. 26th, 2017 01:24 pm)

Posted by <a rel="author" href="/users/Creej/pseuds/Creej">Creej</a>

by

Peter always knew he had a special connection to Neal but he found it was more special than he realized.

Words: 6548, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

([syndicated profile] white_collar_ao3_feed Jul. 26th, 2017 12:13 am)

Posted by <a rel="author" href="/users/september_again/pseuds/september_again">september_again</a>

by

Set after S6E6 Au Revoir. Rated M for violence, harsh language and mild explicit content in Chapter 15.

When Alex is kidnapped, Neal knows he can always depend on the help of his long time partner-in-crime Mozzie and his best friend Peter. But will their combined efforts be enough to find her? Old ghosts have a funny way of resurfacing.

With guest appearances from Satchmo, Diana and Jones in the Finale.

Words: 1362, Chapters: 1/22, Language: English

.

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