___________ EPISODES ARE THE BEST EPISODES. (Technically, that's a spoiler.)


2) Sadly, despite the leading name, Timothy Hutton does not appear in this episode. I would pay literal money to see him show up for just a week. (I would also pay literal money for Leverage Consulting & Associates to go to Mystic Falls, because they would shut shit down in about six hours. Also, for real, Caroline/Eliot. SOMEONE MAKE THAT HAPPEN.)

3) Okay, I am by no means a geologist, but does Virginia, in fact, have a lot of caves? Is it just because this town has a waterfall? Did the witches do it before they were all murdered back before there was a Fell's Church? Why are there Viking cave paintings under the Lockwood werewolf bondage cellar? WHAT--no, no, relax. Remember that time you tried to figure out how long S1 was? How much that hurt? Yeah. This is like that.

4) Alaric, you are an American history teacher. Where in the name of upright walking Jesus did you learn about Vikings and Runic script? coughWIKIPEDIAcough.

5) "Just ignore him. That's what I do." UGH TEAM BADASS I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. Damon's little smile!

6) So: the Originals were from a Viking village created on the site of what would one day become Fell's Church/Mystic Falls. That...does not leave a lot of surprise re: Elena being born one town over. I smell witchery. Literally. And probably not a certain someone's, based on how this ends.

7) HEY LET'S TALK ABOUT THE ORIGINALS AND HOW THEY ARE AWESOME. I--you guys, seriously, seriously: tribe of Viking ex-pats who moved to the New World and made nice with their werewolf neighbors 'til they murdered one of their kids. It is basically Twilight, if Twilight was not goddamn awful.

8) Oh, as a sidebar, now I kind of like Rebekah. I told you this shit was going to happen. It happened with Rose, it happened with Elijah, it happened here. GODDAMMIT SHOW JUST LET ME HATE SOMEONE.

(But of course it won't, because this show is amazing.)

9) Old Rebekah, you are awesome! You get all shirty when Klaus teases you about only men handling knives! You get surly about being told your place! You can do a pretty good cartwheel! Could more of you show up now, maybe, because current Rebekah has been a vampire too long and that seems to make people into dicks, kinda.

10) Get used to the word "AWESOME", because I'm gonna use it a lot tonight. Example: Alaric geeking out over photos of cave paintings while Damon tries to teach Elena to fight. AWESOME. Elena/Alaric/Damon, don't tell me you don't want some of that too.

11) Elijah! Elijah, Klaus, and Mikael continuing the TVD commitment to terrible wigs! Elijah and Klaus swordfighting! UGH WELCOME BACK D. GILLIES.

12) --wow, two minutes of human!Mikael and I have as many thoughts: a) You look like a guest start on Hercules, and b) You are an asshole. Not that I think Klaus' "create an army of hybrids and feast on humans" plan is any better, but seriously, dude, it's not Klaus' fault your wife slept with someone else, Jesus.

13) And then Damon lets Stefan go. Because that will IN NO WAY end poorly. Hey, remember the last time a Salvatore was locked in the cellar and got out? Damon ate his bird, Uncle Zach died, and Vicki was a vampire for ten minutes?

14) I appreciate that this show really gets a handle on how to be quietly creepy as fuck. Like, say, Rebekah using the cheer squad as mannequins to pick a Homecoming dress.

15) Tiki! Still a bitch?

16) Alaric giving Bonnie advice about Jeremy is sort of great. I never, ever mention it, but my favorite thing about this show--any show, really--is that it's about a messed-up drunk supernatural found family. It's like the Originals, if the Originals weren't Vikings and had drinking problems.

17) You would think Ayana would be the first witch. You would be wrong.

18) --no, seriously, Mikael was a wealthy landowner in Europe, but he and Esther lost a child to the plague and fled to the New World and made their life next door to a tribe of werewolves. At some point, Esther slept with a werewolf and had Klaus; their other six children (not counting Henrik, who was, you know, dead) were Mikael's. The family had a tenuous peace with the werewolves; they stayed in caves during the full moon. One night, Klaus and his little brother Henrik snuck out to watch them transform, but the wolves caught Henrik and killed him. Mikael and Esther pleaded with Ayana to protect their children, but Ayana--being a witch, and not a parent, and therefore not kind of nuts--sensibly said, "Uh, no?"

So Esther did it instead. Esther, the Originals' mom, is literally the Original witch OH SHIT. (I will be saying that a lot, too.)

18) Fun fact: witches can't be vampires. They're--do you ever play OWoD RPGs? Yeah, witches are what happens when you try to make Nuwisha into Kindred. (Four of you just got that.)

19) I will tell you right now, the scariest shit I have seen in three years of this show is Stefan and Damon bonding. Eating bartenders! Damon dancing on the bar! STOP BEING STRANGELY FUNCTIONAL, IT'S FREAKING ME OUT.

20) I like that Damon's initial instinct when he's having fun is "let me climb on top of ill-advised things and shake my ass."

21) SO: Esther channeled the power of the sun for life, and the white oak tree for immortality; Mikael fed his children wine laced with blood and ran them through, then gave them blood when they woke up, thus creating the Original vampires. But as with all magic, there was a cost: the sun could now kill them (unless they wore rings of lapis); the flowers that grew at the base of the white oak were poison that also prevented compulsion; they no longer had free reign in the homes of their neighbors. Everything has a cost.

22) And then they burned down the white oak trees. Like when Damon got rid of all the vervain in Fell's Church, 'til Zach started his grow room.

23) Oh, hey, Sebastian Roche MIKAEL OH SHIT.

24) Hey, you know what's not a way to get me to like you? Shove your heart into Damon's chest and wrap your hand around his heart, then threaten to pull it out if Stefan doesn't get real fucking chatty. (DSMH: 5.)

25) SO: Klaus' first kill as a vampire triggered the werewolf in him. Esther, horrified--and equally horrified by Mikael being an asshole, no doubt, because that dude is racist against werewolves for real--cursed him and turned away from her son. And, according to Klaus, Mikael then killed Esther by ripping out her heart, since she'd broken his. (He also killed half the village, but shit, Stefan did that with migrants in the 1900s.)

Klaus, Rebekah, and Elijah stayed to bury their mother; Mikael and the other four children scattered. And Elijah and Rebekah pledged to stay by Klaus' side, always and forever. Rebekah was loyal; Elijah was moral; Klaus...Klaus was a lot like their dad.

(Hint: part of this is wrong.)

26) I am calling it now: in a couple decades, the way things are going, Caroline is gonna be a Salvatore, thus making Stefan/Damon/Caroline the new Klaus/Elijah/Rebekah. I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH.

27) Hey, Klaus! While you're being a murderous asshole, could you quit staking and locking up your sister for decades on end to learn her some manners? Because that's really fucked up.

28) Aaaaaaand unsurprisingly, Klaus lied: Mikael didn't kill their mother. He did, for turning away from him and cursing him.

29) Fine, it's official: I no longer hate Rebekah. I don't like her a lot, but shit, I don't like Damon a lot of the time, either. She's--she was a pretty cool girl, when she was human; she was beautiful and smart, and didn't like being hidebound to stupid things like "women can't handle blades". She's what happens when you stop being human for a thousand years. Seriously, Bek, just spend like a week with Caroline and you'll be ahead of the curve. If there's one thing this town has in droves, it's badass, awesome ladies.

(Also, Claire Holt is great, but we knew that already.)

30) I don't care that it turned out to be BS, I sniffled when the key to making Stefan admit something is Damon being in mortal danger. UGH SALVATORES YOU ARE THE BEST.

31) --aaaaaaand the worst, because then Stefan's all "be careful, brother, your humanity's showing," and Damon beats his ass in a bar parking lot. On the other hand, he didn't eat anyone this time, so he's making progress. (If you're drinking something reading this, pour a little out for Mr. Tanner.)

32) "Why is everybody trying to save me?" I have literally heard people say that every fucking week on Intervention.

33) Damon's frustrated "because I owe you!" is, at best, a half-truth: he owes Stefan, yeah, but he still sort of hates him. Which makes sense, because hating and loving family is sort of what they're there for. He will always hate Stefan the worst, and he will always love him the best. (I would pay real money for a flashback to wee tiny Salvatores roundabout the late 1840s.)

34) Okay, I am starting to worry about Katherine. We haven't seen her since Mikael ate her! That's not good! Oh God, what if something happened to Katherine JESUS CHRIST I AM NOW WORRIED ABOUT KATHERINE.

35) "[Rebekah's] just a girl who lost her mom too young, [...] who loves blindly and recklessly." So she's Damon, then. --oh shit you guys, she's Damon. That makes Caroline the Elijah HOLY SHIT THAT SORT OF WORKS.

36) And we end on Elena curled up under the covers next to (an above-the-covers) Damon. Still not buying the Delena even a little, but them as friends? I am totally down with that.

Next week: We hit the dreaded mid-season finale and find Klaus emceeing the Homecoming dance, with special guests Mikael and another screaming fight in the Salvatore drinking-and-fireplace-room. Special appearance by My Morning Jacket as the dance band--which means Ian Somerhalder peed himself a little--in "Homecoming", next Thursday, 8 PM EST.
threerings: (TVD-DamonAlaric)

From: [personal profile] threerings

I was in Virginia once, and I visited some nice caves. Therefore, yes, Virginia does have caves. I don't know if they are only in certain areas or what, but it's POSSIBLE.
margrave: (Default)

From: [personal profile] margrave

I LOVE all your points, but this one in particular:

32) "Why is everybody trying to save me?" I have literally heard people say that every fucking week on Intervention.



iphignia939: (Default)

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